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  1. Posted: March 1, 2016In: Examples

    In a post apocalyptic world starved of water and gasoline, a hardened warrior smuggles away a warlord?s harem of sex slaves to find her redemption; but when the tyrant mobilizes an armada of war vehicles after her, she must team up with the untrusting rogue Max to survive the onslaught and find a sanctuary somewhere in the wastelands.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 2, 2016 at 9:18 am

    In a post-apocalyptic world,? a male?drifter helps a female rebel?liberate? herself and a psychopathic warlord's harem in a furious flight through the desert to her?homeland. (28 words) If it weren't another chapter in the franchise, the logline would be framed with the female?as the protagonist.? BRead more

    In a post-apocalyptic world,? a male?drifter helps a female rebel?liberate? herself and a psychopathic warlord’s harem in a furious flight through the desert to her?homeland.
    (28 words)

    If it weren’t another chapter in the franchise, the logline would be framed with the female?as the protagonist.? But…

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  2. Posted: March 2, 2016In: Thriller

    A suicidal teen gets abducted from her boring life and is forced to compete in the ninetieth Trials, a three-staged competition that rewards the victor a cognitive transplantation with a coldhearted AI.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 2, 2016 at 8:58 am

    The? principal problem I see in the logline is that the? teen comes off as helpless victim rather than an active agent in her own fate.I presume the coercion entails the threat of death if she refuses to play along in the "Trials".? But if she does and wins she's "rewarded" with the death of? her inRead more

    The? principal problem I see in the logline is that the? teen comes off as helpless victim rather than an active agent in her own fate.

    I presume the coercion entails the threat of death if she refuses to play along in the “Trials”.? But if she does and wins she’s “rewarded” with the death of? her individuality, her?consciousness and personality.

    So?if she refuses to play along, she loses?– and?she plays along and wins, she loses anyway.?? Total bummer!? At least in the Hunger Games, there was a positive incentive for the?winner: ?life and riches.

    Well, if that’s the way you want to run the games, then she needs a positive objective goal even if it is entirely of her making.? The logline needs a protagonist who?may start out as victim but becomes an active agent in her own salvation.

    So, as a result of being trapped in this damned-if-she-does, damned-if-she-doesn’t predicament, what must she do to save her self?? What becomes her objective goal?

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  3. Posted: March 2, 2016In: Drama

    A father?s poor decision causes a tragic event that haunts his son?s every move, leading him to a life of drugs and solitude.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on March 2, 2016 at 8:43 am

    Alas, the logline is too vague on?particulars to a get a?picture of what the story is about, what distinguishes it from any other story about children suffering from the sins and mistakes of their parents.??Specifically, what?was the poor decision?? Specifically, what is the tragic event?How does "eRead more

    Alas, the logline is too vague on?particulars to a get a?picture of what the story is about, what distinguishes it from any other story about children suffering from the sins and mistakes of their parents.??Specifically, what?was the poor decision?? Specifically, what is the tragic event?

    How does “every move” translate into?a?specific course of action?? What is the specific?objective goal (right or wrong)?does the?son pursue as a result of what specifically?the father did?

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