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Kole Owen is a second generation champion wrestler who after his father’s death discovers his father’s whole other family; a new sister and a bi-racial autistic toddler half brother.
The story hook is that after his father's death, a son discovers his father sired another family.? It constitutes the inciting incident? in or by the end of the 1st Act -- the Big Discovery that sets the story in motion.And it's a good hook.? But...What's the plot that arises from?this inciting inciRead more
The story hook is that after his father’s death, a son discovers his father sired another family.? It constitutes the inciting incident? in or by the end of the 1st Act — the Big Discovery that sets the story in motion.
And it’s a good hook.? But…
What’s the plot that arises from?this inciting incident?? What’s the 2nd Act –the bulk of the movie –about?? As a result of the shocking discovery, what becomes the man’s his objective goal?? What, ultimately, is at stake? ?(For example, is there a? threat of an ugly and costly court fight over the estate?)
Also: there’s no need to name the character. Roles, defining characteristics and/or flaws are more important to a logline than a name –?unless the story is based on a real person, famous or notorious, someone the logline reader might recognize.? Like Abraham Lincoln, Queen Elizabeth, Al Capone, Marilyn Monroe.
See lessA secretly dying filmmaker goes to the Blue Mountains to shoot her final film. As her marriage and the production fall apart, the ghost of a local murder victim has her questioning what her life’s work truly is.
As Richiev said.Is the film she's making a documentary or a drama of the murder mystery?? If the latter, does it end with a (fictional) "solution" to the murder.? And if so, couldn't the dramatic twist be that? in the process of making the film, she discovers the real solution, the real culprit?? ThRead more
As Richiev said.
Is the film she’s making a documentary or a drama of the murder mystery?? If the latter, does it end with a (fictional) “solution” to the murder.? And if so, couldn’t the dramatic twist be that? in the process of making the film, she discovers the real solution, the real culprit?? That seems to me would be an interesting hook for the story.? The rest — her terminal illness, the ghost –?are details for the story,?dramatic elements, ?but don’t seem to be what the story is about.
And to my way of thinking, it would be a stronger story?if she solves the mystery entirely?by her own wits, ?in the natural process of making the film — not through some?supernatural intervention.? The ghost feels kind of gimmicky — the easy way to?reveal clues, perhaps, but not the most dramatically challenging.? (Other’s mileage may vary on that point.)
See lessWhen her best friend’s fianc? comes to town, a sheltered outback girl is faced with feelings she never thought she would have. When he asks her to write a song with him about the suspicious death of a local shearer, she discovers that the culprit is someone close to home.
>>>feelings she never thought she would haveWhat kind of feelings?? For whom?? Does she fall in love with her best friend's fianc?e?? Be specific.>> culprit is someone close to homeVague.? Be specific.? Is he the prime suspect? That doesn't give away the ending, because he could onlyRead more
>>>feelings she never thought she would have
What kind of feelings?? For whom?? Does she fall in love with her best friend’s fianc?e?? Be specific.
>> culprit is someone close to home
Vague.? Be specific.? Is he the prime suspect? That doesn’t give away the ending, because he could only be a suspect, not the proven culprit.? But by identifying him as the suspect (at least, if he is indeed the suspect), you indicate what the story problem really is, what is the primary source of dramatic tension.
I’m guessing the story is about a girl who falls in love with her best friend’s fianc?e (complication #1) ?and comes upon clues that make him the prime suspect in a gruesome and unsolved local murder (complication #2).? But I’m only guessing as to what the story is really about.? I suggest the complication(s) ?of the plot, the predicament(s) it places her in needs to be spelled out with greater clarity.
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