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Still living with mother, a 45 year old psychotherapist that uses a dubious flogging therapy struggles to make his own life proposing to his client, a young and rich business woman.
Okay, I did some googling.? It's legitimate therapy and a great idea for a story.However, I personally find the therapist to be the? less interesting of the 2 principal characters.? He's weak, passive, at 45 still a "momma's boy".? He ?doesn' t seem to be trying that hard to find a woman. In contrasRead more
Okay, I did some googling.? It’s legitimate therapy and a great idea for a story.
However, I personally find the therapist to be the? less interesting of the 2 principal characters.? He’s weak, passive, at 45 still a “momma’s boy”.? He ?doesn’ t seem to be trying that hard to find a woman. In contrast, she is proactive: ?she makes the effort to?seek him out for therapy.??? He doesn’t find her — she finds him.
She’s also more highly motivated, willing to take the greater risk.? She’s the one willing — desperate — ?to endure the pain of the therapy to cure whatever ails her.? In comparison, he doesn’t seem willing to suffer anything.??(Being so passive, maybe he needs a strong dose of his own therapy.)
?I think it needs to be cast with a stronger protagonist with more desperate motivation, more urgent needs.
Have you considered making the woman the focus of the story, the main character? ?Of, if you want to have him as? main character, reverse roles:?cast her as ?the unmarried, middle-aged?therapist (who has given up on every finding true love and a husband.) Cast him as the client who seeks her out for flogging therapy to cure his depression
However you decide to cast it,? by all means,?up the stakes.? What’s the worst thing that can happen to the client (male or female) if the therapy fails? ?He (or she) will commit suicide.? It’s more than a matter of? finding the right marriage partner and having a family.? It’s a matter of life and death.
Say something along the line of:
On the verge of suicide, a depressed middle-aged man ?seeks help from a female psychiatrist who treats clients with a unique form of?therapy: flogging.? (25 words)
Whatever, the hook of the story is not a middle-aged man still living with his mother, looking “to make his life”?with a wife and family.? Nor is?the hook a story about ?a rich business woman.??The hook of the story — what’s going to grab attention — is the flogging.?
Flog the flogging!
As I said, I think you have a great idea for a story, but I suggest it needs refinement and refocusing.? Good luck.
See lessStill living with mother, a 45 year old psychotherapist that uses a dubious flogging therapy struggles to make his own life proposing to his client, a young and rich business woman.
"Dubious flogging therapy" -- this?seems to?indicate a BDSM or at least a sadistic-masochistic relationship between the two, which is a rich vein of dramatic ore to?mine.Alas, because of awkward wording and grammatical errors, it's not clear to me whether that vein will be mined.? Is this a story abRead more
“Dubious flogging therapy” — this?seems to?indicate a BDSM or at least a sadistic-masochistic relationship between the two, which is a rich vein of dramatic ore to?mine.
Alas, because of awkward wording and grammatical errors, it’s not clear to me whether that vein will be mined.? Is this a story about an unconventional relationship? The?bonds of affection and the?bonds of?restraint?? The?agony and ecstasy of love and lashes?? I dunno. ? “Psychotherapist that uses” should read “psychotherapist who uses”.? And “struggles to make his own life” is vague.?? What does that mean>?Make his own life what?
Simply and plainly stated, what becomes his objective goal as a result of the complication of?falling in love with his client??? What is the true nature of their relationship?
See lessAfter being inspired by his late mother?s photographic work, a caring young man wants to leave the family farm he has grown up in to fully pursue his photos being shown in a gallery, but his narcissistic and manipulative grandfather tries victimize himself and guilt his grandson into staying in order to keep the farming legacy.
The problem with the dilemma is that it's not really a dilemma.?? The logline?casts? the grandpa?as an unambiguous villain-bad guy-son-of-a-bitch.? It's a no-brainer that?young man?has to assert his independence, follow his dream.My other problem with all versions of this logline is that while the sRead more
The problem with the dilemma is that it’s not really a dilemma.?? The logline?casts? the grandpa?as an unambiguous villain-bad guy-son-of-a-bitch.? It’s a no-brainer that?young man?has to assert his independence, follow his dream.
My other problem with all versions of this logline is that while the setting is rural, the logline seems to be rather indifferent and unrelated to the?rural values, traditions?and sensibilities?deeply embedded in rural families?that would clash with ?individual aspirations.?
The story ?could just as well??take place in the big city; the grandfather wants the young man to take over?the family-owned company.?
What’s the point of placing the story on?a farm if it doesn’t explore the unique rural attributes of that setting that could and should inform the dramatic conflict?
fwiw
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