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An aging songwriter used to be wildly successful, but lost his fame when the inspiration for all his songs, his wife, left him. Now, he has been kidnapped by an aspiring singer, who is giving him 3 months to write a great album for the young singer to steal. Having been unable to write anything good for years, the aged star must try to make his ex-wife fall back in love with him, in order to regain his writing ability and save his life.
Tony Edward's version certainly distills the concept to its essence.? However,?it spawned 2 alternate takes?in my mind.? Take #1 focuses on the "A" story:When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die.(24 words)It ups the?drRead more
Tony Edward’s version certainly distills the concept to its essence.? However,?it spawned 2 alternate takes?in my mind.? Take #1 focuses on the “A” story:
When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die.
(24 words)
It ups the?dramatic tension with higher stakes (his life) and a ticking clock (30 days).
But, alas, it fails to include the ” B” story twist that?his only hope of survival.? So take #2:
When kidnapped by a pop-star?wanna be, ?a once famous songwriter has 30 days to write a hit album for his kidnapper or die, a task he can only accomplish by reconnecting with his muse, his ex-wife.
(37 words)
The general rule is that a logline is supposed to be about the “A” story.? Only.?? But there are exceptions to every rule.? And to my way of thinking,? the “B” story is the hook in the concept; it’s ?what makes the “A” story in this logline?compelling — in order to live he must reconnect with his muse.? Love is his only?hope for survival– a bonding agent between audience and the protagonist doesn’t get any stronger than that.
(Although I do wonder?how?can he?win her back when he’s being held hostage.? But then that’s why ?smart phones, email, texting, Instagram and Twitter were invented, to give writers additional options and flexibility for telling their stories.)
Anyway, despite it’s length, despite it being an “A” & “B” story logline, I’m inclined to favor #2.? Best wishes with this story.
See lessAfter the humongous planet destroying meteor vanishes from the sky right before impacting Earth, a troubled priest must help his congregation recover while dealing with the fact, at the moment the destruction of the earth was eminent he denied God.
After earth is miraculously saved from a life-destroying meteor, a priest must confront his failure of faith, that when all seemed lost, he denied the existence of God.(28 words)My version deletes??his having to help his congregation recover because?I do?not see how they would need to?'recover' fromRead more
After earth is miraculously saved from a life-destroying meteor, a priest must confront his failure of faith, that when all seemed lost, he denied the existence of God.
(28 words)
My version deletes??his having to help his congregation recover because?I do?not see how they would need to?’recover’ from being saved, from having their prayers answered. On the contrary, they would be?relieved,?exultant, their faith strengthened.
It seems to me it’s the priest who is in need of recovery–from his lack of faith.
And that?seems to me to be?a subjective dramatic problem:? how does that?work out in terms of an objective goal?
One?dramatic problem??I can imagine is that while?riddled with guilt and shame about his own failure of faith, he’s besieged ?with? atheists and agnostics (like me!) wanting his counsel and support as they are eager, desperate, to affirm?their own faith in God.
fwiw
See lessTrapped in an all-night bank siege, a by-the-book bank teller must outwit both cops and robbers to escape with 100k from the bank?s vault to pay-off his brothers gambling debt.
Trapped in an all-night bank siege, a bank teller seizes?the opportunity to outwit both cops and robbers and steal 100k to pay off his brother's debts.Although it would ?make more sense to me if the stakes?were commensurate with the risk being taken.? That is,? he needs to pay off his own gambling dRead more
Trapped in an all-night bank siege, a bank teller seizes?the opportunity to outwit both cops and robbers and steal 100k to pay off his brother’s debts.
Although it would ?make more sense to me if the stakes?were commensurate with the risk being taken.? That is,? he needs to pay off his own gambling debts.? Or those of his wife/lover/significant other.???Still, I am hooked by the general concept.? I? guess I’ll just have to read the script to find out why he’s taking so much risk on himself for the sake of his? (irresponsible?) brother.????So in that sense of?a logline’s purpose, mission accomplished.
See less