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A lonely man in witness protection receives word that his estranged father is dying, and so he must travel back to his home state without being detected by those who want him dead, in order to say goodbye before his father?s time is up.
If he was deeply devoted to his father, it would be immediately?understandable why he would risk?blowing his cover by taking the trip.? But the logline defines their relationship as estranged.? So what's his motivation for exposing himself to so much risk (and effort)? and??does that link to his beiRead more
If he was deeply devoted to his father, it would be immediately?understandable why he would risk?blowing his cover by taking the trip.? But the logline defines their relationship as estranged.? So what’s his motivation for exposing himself to so much risk (and effort)? and??does that link to his being lonely?
Estrangement, loneliness , threats to his life — the guy is dealing with a lot of issues.? But?the?constraints of a?logline (25 words or less, ideally)? doesn’t?allow?adequate space? to juggle?multiple issues.? It should focus on the most important issue.? What is the most important issue he has to face in taking his road trip?
See lessA faithless young girl is recruited into a war of witches and must believe in herself and magic enough to use a legendary wand to end the conflict.
First of all, I sense there is a germ of an potentially interesting story here. But I think the concept and the logline need polishing.? For instance, as Nir Shelter said,???what's the inciting incident that sets her off on her quest for the wand? And what are the stakes?? So she doesn't find or masRead more
First of all, I sense there is a germ of an potentially interesting story here.
But I think the concept and the logline need polishing.? For instance, as Nir Shelter said,???what’s the inciting incident that sets her off on her quest for the wand?
And what are the stakes?? So she doesn’t find or master the power of the wand.? So the war of the witches doesn’t end.? So what?? What’s the jeopardy for her?? What does she stand to lose if she fails?? What skin does she have in the game — in this war of the witches?? (Skywalker’s skin in the game was the loss of the only family he knew– the desire to avenge their unjust deaths.)
And?it’s ?still unclear to me ?what “faithless” means in the context of this?logline.?? Particularly, how does being faithless trigger her desire, her need?to accept the recruitment?
See lessA young, cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time with his two newly met friends from differing social standards to stop evil forces plotting to take down their transatlantic flight.
What's the inciting incident?? That is, how does he come to know that there are evil forces out to sabotage the plane?on which he is traveling?And what's the plot gimmick, the means by which he is able travel back in time?And if he's a walking encyclopedia, why doesn't he have the smarts and know-ItRead more
What’s the inciting incident?? That is, how does he come to know that there are evil forces out to sabotage the plane?on which he is traveling?
And what’s the plot gimmick, the means by which he is able travel back in time?
And if he’s a walking encyclopedia, why doesn’t he have the smarts and know-It-all to stop the evil forces in the present, while he’s on the plane?? What does he lack in the present that he can only acquire by going back to the non-future?
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