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  1. Posted: December 28, 2015In: Adventure

    The most legendary and recognizable singing slave in al-Andalus hires an adventuring Norman to steal the Caliph’s prize possession, herself.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 29, 2015 at 1:52 am

    Only if??this logline is targeted to a Muslim production company ?is it likely that a reader will understand that al-Andalus refers to the historical period ?of the Muslim domination of ?Spain. ?That the risk for the 'adventurous Norman' is enhanced by his status as a ?'kafir' -- a ?non-believer [aRead more

    Only if??this logline is targeted to a Muslim production company ?is it likely that a reader will understand that al-Andalus refers to the historical period ?of the Muslim domination of ?Spain. ?That the risk for the ‘adventurous Norman’ is enhanced by his status as a ?’kafir’ — a ?non-believer [a rival Catholic].

    The logline has the ingredients for plenty of conflict and jeopardy, but it would benefit from a clearer statement of when and where the story takes place.

    Who is the main character, the singing slave or the Norman?

    And what’s her motivation for wanting to stage a kidnapping? ? Yes, she’s a slave, so one would deduce she wants her freedom. ?But ?the story would benefit from a stronger motivation, a sense of urgency. Why does she NEED to be kidnapped NOW? Could it be that a deadline is approaching for a loveless marriage? Or that she has been compelled to become?a ?sex slave, a concubine to a cruel master?

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  2. Posted: December 12, 2015In: Noir

    In Sydney, 1959, a Labour politician uncovers a corrupt scheme to terminate the city?s trams. Will he defy his Party or lose the respect of everyone he values, himself included?

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 23, 2015 at 3:50 am

    More specific stakes than "respect and values" might be the politician's own political career, his future.??Exposure of the scheme could either threaten his prospects in an upcoming election or advance his ambitions, if he plays his cards right.

    More specific stakes than “respect and values” might be the politician’s own political career, his future.??Exposure of the scheme could either threaten his prospects in an upcoming election or advance his ambitions, if he plays his cards right.

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  3. Posted: December 22, 2015In: Thriller

    By joining a feminist cult, a young and bright woman embarks on a psychological exodus and decides to break with her past.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 22, 2015 at 3:58 am

    I think the potentially intriguing concept wants for sufficient details to ?wet a ?reader's interest in the script. ?For example, "Psychological exodus" is vague and nonspecific. ?And "break with her past" doesn't tell us what to look forward to in the story. ?And what is the ideological purpose ofRead more

    I think the potentially intriguing concept wants for sufficient details to ?wet a ?reader’s interest in the script. ?For example, “Psychological exodus” is vague and nonspecific. ?And “break with her past” doesn’t tell us what to look forward to in the story. ?And what is the ideological purpose of this “feminist cult.” ?Overthrow the patriarchy? Pass ERA? Or…? ?What makes this cult of dramatic interest, a threat to the prevailing order and/or a hope for repressed and subjugated women?

    As?a result of joining the cult, what becomes her specific objective goal? ?What is the? specific dramatic problem that she must resolve? ? Who/what opposes her — who becomes her nemesis? ?What’s at stake — what does she stand to gain if she succeeds, lose if she fails.

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