1. Posted: December 9, 2015In:

    A vampire hunter is frustrated when an isolated Mississippi town decides due process must be followed before she will be allowed to stake a dangerous vampire. – Blood and Justice

    dpg Singularity

    So.... what becomes her strategy, her game plan for getting the dangerous vampire staked? The logline sets up a problem, but it doesn't indicate where the story is headed, what path the protagonist takes to solve her problem. (Not that a logline should contain a spoiler, give away the ending. But itRead more

    So…. what becomes her strategy, her game plan for getting the dangerous vampire staked?

    The logline sets up a problem, but it doesn’t indicate where the story is headed, what path the protagonist takes to solve her problem. (Not that a logline should contain a spoiler, give away the ending. But it should indicate the direction of the story, specifically in this case what the protagonist is going to do other than be frustrated.)

    And it should indicate what the stakes are — what the protagonist has to gain , lose by failing.

    fwiw.

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  2. Posted: December 8, 2015In:

    An atheist islamic studies professor, grieving the death of her mother, is visited by a fatally wounded woman who falls into a coma after granting her god-like powers, causing her to be hunted down by jinn

    dpg Singularity

    My problem with the premise is that it raises more questions in my mind than answers.? Like, a wounded woman can bestow 'god-like' powers on others -- but can't use them to heal herself? And what must the protagonist do with these powers?? What becomes her specific, objective goal? Or else -- what aRead more

    My problem with the premise is that it raises more questions in my mind than answers.? Like, a wounded woman can bestow ‘god-like’ powers on others — but can’t use them to heal herself? And what must the protagonist do with these powers?? What becomes her specific, objective goal? Or else — what are the stakes?

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: December 8, 2015In:

    After a deadly product flaw is discovered, reclusive CEO of a tech company has to overcome his fear of travel and social interactions to visit his biggest customers before the press destroys his company; along the way he learns life lessons through travel

    dpg Singularity

    So... .the customers don't matter? ?Even though it's a "deadly" product flaw, ?their welfare is less important than the bad P.R.?What's really at stake in this story? ?(Or should be?)And loglines are not about "life lessons learned". ?Loglines should be about objective issues, the problem the characRead more

    So… .the customers don’t matter? ?Even though it’s a “deadly” product flaw, ?their welfare is less important than the bad P.R.?

    What’s really at stake in this story? ?(Or should be?)

    And loglines are not about “life lessons learned”. ?Loglines should be about objective issues, the problem the character must overcome, the goal he ?intentionally sets out to achieve. ?”Lessons learned” are subjective issues ?not objective goals. ?They are ?what the character acquires unintentionally in the process of struggling for his objective goal.

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