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  1. Posted: December 9, 2015In: Drama

    Things get dicey when a hitman finds himself sitting with the man who hired him and his proposed victim at a small town diner.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 9, 2015 at 8:44 am

    This logline sets up a situation. ?But the situation is only the 1st element of a plot. ?And a logline ?should be a succinct description of an entire plot, not just a situation. So what happens next? ?What specifically becomes the plot as a result of this set up? ?What are the stakes -- for the theRead more

    This logline sets up a situation. ?But the situation is only the 1st element of a plot. ?And a logline ?should be a succinct description of an entire plot, not just a situation.

    So what happens next? ?What specifically becomes the plot as a result of this set up? ?What are the stakes — for the the hit man?

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  2. Posted: December 7, 2015In: Drama

    When an angel is tasked with showing a suicidal woman what the world would be like if she had never been born, he struggles to find a reason for her to live when they discovers it would be a vvastly better wold without her.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 9, 2015 at 8:37 am

    I think this is a very interesting idea. ?But I am not sure who is the protagonist, the angel or the suicidal women.I think it would make for a stronger, more compelling story if she is the clearly designated protagonist, that the negative verdict from the angel paradoxically and perversely gives heRead more

    I think this is a very interesting idea. ?But I am not sure who is the protagonist, the angel or the suicidal women.

    I think it would make for a stronger, more compelling story if she is the clearly designated protagonist, that the negative verdict from the angel paradoxically and perversely gives her a reason to live, an objective go: to prove him wrong.

    It seems to me that however the story is cast in terms of who is the protagonist, ultimately the woman must become proactive, become the agent of her own existential salvage operation, her own redemption.

    This a gem of a concept — but I think it needs some cutting and polishing to make it a sparkling jewel of a script.

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: December 3, 2015In: Student Loglines

    When a spot at the local drag show opens last minute, an overly-confident teenager sneaks in and prepares his act quickly to prove himself worthy of a steady gig.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 4, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I agree with Nir Shelter that? his goal needs to be more clearly defined.? Is the?plot all about him seizing the moment when there's an opening? in Act 1, preparing? for his?debut in in??Act 2, making his? debut in Act 3?? Or is? Act 2 about what happens after he gets to perform in the show on or abRead more

    I agree with Nir Shelter that? his goal needs to be more clearly defined.? Is the?plot all about him seizing the moment when there’s an opening? in Act 1, preparing? for his?debut in in??Act 2, making his? debut in Act 3?? Or is? Act 2 about what happens after he gets to perform in the show on or about the end of Act 1?

    Isn’t the steady gig” merely a means to an end, a stepping stone to something bigger, greater??? What’s his biggest dream — the one that’s really driving him to try out for the drag show?? What’s at stake?? What does he stand to gain if he succeeds?? What does he stand to lose if he fails?

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