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A group of explorers discover a previously uncharted island, only to discover the terrifying reason why it wasn’t discovered earlier. Now, trapped, they must find a way to escape the island’s horrors.
Can you be more specific about what constitutes "terrifying things"?? I'm not suggesting you reveal everything, but you need to reveal enough to wet the appetite, to make a script reader curious enough to find out more..? And I don't think "terrifying things"? does the job.
Can you be more specific about what constitutes “terrifying things”?? I’m not suggesting you reveal everything, but you need to reveal enough to wet the appetite, to make a script reader curious enough to find out more..? And I don’t think “terrifying things”? does the job.
See lessAfter drunkenly trashing his dealer’s car, a 25 year old slacker has to secretly use the only job he has, a shared paper route with his overachieving 14 year old sister to distribute weed until it gets fixed.
I liked the earlier version better which spotlighted the sibling conflict, between the slacker older brother and the overachieving younger sister.? I thought it offered a lot of potential for comedy,The sibling conflict is embedded in this version but now it has to share the spotlight? with the drugRead more
I liked the earlier version better which spotlighted the sibling conflict, between the slacker older brother and the overachieving younger sister.? I thought it offered a lot of potential for comedy,
The sibling conflict is embedded in this version but now it has to share the spotlight? with the drug dealing.? I think the drug dealing would make for a terrific plot twist,? the brother falling back into his bad habits, succumbing to his character flaws.? But again, for my? money, the sibling rivalry is the stronger hook, the one that should be featured in the logline.? I don’t think it’s necessary to cram both into the logline.? This version is 38 words long which is pushing the limit. This may be a case where less is more.
And I have no problem with the inciting incident being a consequence of his character flaw, that the brother has brought his dramatic predicament upon himself.? That’s what character flaws are good for, especially in comedy.? This would lay the foundation for a strong redemptive character arc.
See lessWhen a political advisor discovers she had been unknowingly covering up her boss? illegal activity, she works to uncover exactly how deep his crimes really go.
Most of the essential logline elements are present and? it's relatively succinct at 26 words.? However, it seems to me that the plot fails to include? (or at least suggest) one of the prime ingredients? required of a thriller genre story: the personal jeopardy for the protagonist entailed in her strRead more
Most of the essential logline elements are present and? it’s relatively succinct at 26 words.? However, it seems to me that the plot fails to include? (or at least suggest) one of the prime ingredients? required of a thriller genre story: the personal jeopardy for the protagonist entailed in her struggle.
What does she stand to personally lose if she doesn’t expose her boss’s crimes??? Worse yet, what does she stand to lose if she does??? What danger is she in?
And the logline might benefit from? a more specific description of who she works for.? Is her “boss”? a political consultant higher up in the food chain?? Or is he an elected official?
Finally, it might strengthen the logline to give some indication as to what his crimes are.? What is so special about his crimes that separate him from the pack of other bad guys, that makes this logline stand out from all the other loglines about people with skeletons buried in their backyards — and back stories?
fwiw.
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