1. Posted: November 25, 2015In:

    David is found dead in the city?s reservoir and police rule it an accident. While investigating his best friend?s death, street-smart Sam discovers David had fingers in many pies and, as he was in jail at the time, Sam soon realizes he is the only person who didn?t have an opportunity ? or, apparently, a motive ? to kill him.

    dpg Singularity

    And then what? ?The logline sets up a situation for a plot, but it ?doesn't seem to ?spell out a?plot . As a result of what Sam discovers , what becomes his objective goal? What must he do about his friend's death? Who opposes him? ?What's at stake? And I suggest reviewing the logic of the premise.Read more

    And then what? ?The logline sets up a situation for a plot, but it ?doesn’t seem to ?spell out a?plot .

    As a result of what Sam discovers , what becomes his objective goal? What must he do about his friend’s death? Who opposes him? ?What’s at stake?

    And I suggest reviewing the logic of the premise. ?If ?the death has been declared an accident,?then, the police wouldn’t be look for murder suspects. ?And if the police aren’t looking for suspects, then Sam having an ironclad alibi is irrelevant — he wouldn’t be a suspect.

    Finally, it’s not necessary to name characters in a logline. ?What matters is not the name of the characters — but?their roles,

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  2. Posted: November 23, 2015In:

    When tragedy strikes her son, a lost Angel who relinquished immortality to reconnect with the true meaning of love must find the God she abandoned to save his life.

    dpg Singularity

    Since when did angels acquire the free will agency to opt out of immortality?? And isn't another term for a "lost angel" is a demon? Because that's what Satan (aka the archangel Lucifer before he opted out) and his crew became after they abandoned fealty to God? ?Angels operating undercover on earthRead more

    Since when did angels acquire the free will agency to opt out of immortality?? And isn’t another term for a “lost angel” is a demon? Because that’s what Satan (aka the archangel Lucifer before he opted out) and his crew became after they abandoned fealty to God? ?

    Angels operating undercover on earth — yes that’s? valid (per scripture) and oft used narrative device. ?But, I, for one, find the premise for a “lost Angel” is difficult to wrap my head around? and suspend disbelief in.?? Others’ mileage may vary.

    The story is targeted to a Christian audience.? Maybe they will sympathize with a fallen angel trying to redeem herself as much or more than a fallen female attempting likewise.

    Whatever, I suggest that the tragedy should be spelled out.? Is her son dying from an accident, an incurable disease? And shouldn’t more be at stake than the life of the son?? After all, if he dies, isn’t he going to heaven?? So in the grander scheme, what’s there to? lament about him?? Isn’t the bigger problem, the ultimate stakes, the “lost angel’s” immortal prospects, or lack thereof?

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: November 24, 2015In:

    While investigating a string of mutilations, the ruthless leader of a post apocalyptic settlement must unravel a brutal plot to overthrow him.

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    And I hope the plot to overthrow him succeeds!? Why should I? not want him to be overthrown?? Why should I not want to pass on investing my time and money in the story of a seemingly unlikable protagonist?? What's the hook in the concept that should engage my interest, loosen the grip on my wallet?

    And I hope the plot to overthrow him succeeds!? Why should I? not want him to be overthrown?? Why should I not want to pass on investing my time and money in the story of a seemingly unlikable protagonist?? What’s the hook in the concept that should engage my interest, loosen the grip on my wallet?

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