1. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    When a woman one day realizes that she sees herself from her husband’s mind, she panicked and looking feverishly for a way out of his brain.

    dpg Singularity

    I think it's a good idea, too.? But why stop with her husband's pov?? Think bigger, expand the concept. Why not that she suddenly sees herself from everyone's pov -- her kids, her parents, her friends, her neighbors -- everyone?

    I think it’s a good idea, too.? But why stop with her husband’s pov?? Think bigger, expand the concept. Why not that she suddenly sees herself from everyone’s pov — her kids, her parents, her friends, her neighbors — everyone?

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    When every dream in a town is caught in a magic dreamcatcher, the girl who owns it must escape from people who wants to kill her beacuse she’s seen their dreams and then destroy the dreamcatcher.

    dpg Singularity

    I think the premise has promise but...First of all, the girl is only ?reacting?not acting, and only in a negative sense. The logline portrays her as only?escaping?-- running away -- with?no hint of what she wants to run toward.? Which is to ask, given her access to the dreams of others, what becomesRead more

    I think the premise has promise but…

    First of all, the girl is only ?reacting?not acting, and only in a negative sense. The logline portrays her as only?escaping?– running away — with?no hint of what she wants to run toward.? Which is to ask, given her access to the dreams of others, what becomes her objective goal?? What does she want to do about the knowledge she has acquired?

    And I suggest it might be better if??she is the dream catcher.? She doesn’t own a “dream?machine”.? Maybe she wakes up one morning and discovers she?has acquired the innate ability to know other people’s dreams as well as remember her own.? Or suddenly, after years of vivid and lucid dreaming, she can’t remember any of her dreams — only the dreams of others.?? Whatever,? make it a personal endowment, not a prop.

    But either way you go, the question comes up in my mind:? how does everyone else know that she is privy to their dreams?? Is she so foolish, so indiscrete as to let them know?? Or is it a secret that leaks out?? And what is it about their dreams that her knowing them makes them so angry that they want to kill her?

    As I said, I think the premise is promising but suggest it needs to be refined.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 9, 2015In:

    When a distrusting security consultant finds a phone and inadvertently reads a text containing a random set of numbers, he must quickly uncover their meaning when he’s made a target by a mysterious group who seem to be able to predict his movements.

    dpg Singularity

    How does the consultant know that the the numbers aren't just random numbers, that they are meaningful and he ?must decrypt them??It seems to me that his being "distrusting"?may be ?necessary to the premise, but it is not a sufficient grounds for the audience to buy the premise.? He could be distrusRead more

    How does the consultant know that the the numbers aren’t just random numbers, that they are meaningful and he ?must decrypt them?

    ?It seems to me that his being “distrusting”?may be ?necessary to the premise, but it is not a sufficient grounds for the audience to buy the premise.? He could be distrusting and wrong.? The audience needs to be given a logical, empirical reason to believe that his suspicion is warranted. Ditto the logline reader — well, this one.? What is the cause-and-effect relationship between the numbers and the attacks that gives the consultant probable cause to be believe they are linked?

    See less
    • 0