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Four friends navigate the intricacies of their relationships as one struggles with fertility and another is about to become a father through a one night stand. The brotherhood is about to become the Fatherhood, but its likely there will be some casualties along the way.
Is this a logline for a series or a feature film? it seems to read like an ensemble story about relationships with no particular driving objective goal driving the plot.? Rather the men are being driven by?the circumstances of the plot,? the consequences of becoming fathers.? That works less well foRead more
Is this a logline for a series or a feature film?
it seems to read like an ensemble story about relationships with no particular driving objective goal driving the plot.? Rather the men are being driven by?the circumstances of the plot,? the consequences of becoming fathers.? That works less well for a feature film which is usually ?framed around one plot line (?whereas a series can have different plot line with each episode).
See lessWhen a womanizing porn-star’s penis falls off due to a spell cast on him by his possessive porn-star wife he must undo the spell before the biggest shoot of his career and save his relationship.
I like the concept --but as the others have?said.And how can his wife be possessive and?still be?a porn star herself?And I don't see how the stakes have to be --or can be -- the biggest shoot of his life.? It seems to me that the stakes are sufficient he's lost the "love of his life" and the means tRead more
I like the concept –but as the others have?said.
And how can his wife be possessive and?still be?a porn star herself?
And I don’t see how the stakes have to be –or can be — the biggest shoot of his life.? It seems to me that the stakes are sufficient he’s lost the “love of his life” and the means to do what he does best — in fact the only thing he’s any good at,? his? money maker.
See lessAfter trashing his friend’s car while drunk, a 20 year old slacker must share a paper route, the only job he can find, with his overachieving 12 year old sister to pay for the damages and avoid jail time.
Well, the?revised ?is shorter, but it seems to me?the cause and effect linkage between the inciting incident (the trashing) and the remedy (the paper route) seems weak.Why does he have to take a paper route to pay restitution?? Why doesn't he get some other job? Isn't it because it's the only job heRead more
Well, the?revised ?is shorter, but it seems to me?the cause and effect linkage between the inciting incident (the trashing) and the remedy (the paper route) seems weak.
Why does he have to take a paper route to pay restitution?? Why doesn’t he get some other job? Isn’t it because it’s the only job he can get?? Isn’t that??a necessary causal link in the chain of events that leads him from the trashing to working for the girl?? Isn’t?his inability to find anything better?– he’s a zero loser –?part of the comedy?
I like the premise.? It suggests all kinds of comic chemistry between the slacker and the girl.? But I think it would strengthen the logline to nail down the joke within the joke?of why?he ends up working for her.? She’s a winner, he’s a loser who can’t find any other job.
I appreciate?that you are caught between conflicting needs for this logline, between clarity and brevity.? I’m an OCD nut ?for both, but if I can’t optimize for both, ?my inclination is to trade off (a little)?brevity for the sake of (more)?clarity.
Ultimately, of course,?it’s your call. ?Best wishes with the story idea.
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