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An arrogant tattoo artist sets off on a cross country journey to track his missing girlfriend only to unravel memories he is refusing to acknowledge.
As mikepedley85 said.I think the protagonist being a tattoo artist is interesting, would add color and perchance complications to the script.But I'm not sure that description belongs in a logline.? Every word in a logline should serve the plot, the protagonist's objective goal.? Any defining charactRead more
As mikepedley85 said.
I think the protagonist being a tattoo artist is interesting, would add color and perchance complications to the script.
But I’m not sure that description belongs in a logline.? Every word in a logline should serve the plot, the protagonist’s objective goal.? Any defining characteristic of the protagonist in a logline should be relevant to the objective goal.? Either it should? pose a problem to the character getting what he wants (aka: a character flaw) or it should be a special skill or ability that he must have to achieve the goal.
How will knowing how to lay down ink on skin help him find his missing girlfriend?? For that matter, how will his arrogance pose a problem to his finding her?
>>>.only to unravel memories he is refusing to acknowledge.
A logline is about what a protagonist intentionally and proactively seeks, what he desperately wants,? not about what he unintentionally discovers or is reacting against, trying to avoid, like unpleasant memories.
fwiw
See lessWhen a man seeking popularity is rejected by society by being forced into a cursed ghost costume, he must learn to live independently in order to remove it before he’s permanently trapped and forgotten.
Scott:I've been thinking about this exchange and want to clarify a point or two.I applaud your desire to come with a novel take on a familiar human problem.? There's nothing new under the sun about human nature, so what movie makers are looking for is a fresh perspective, a unique story angle.But thRead more
Scott:
I’ve been thinking about this exchange and want to clarify a point or two.
I applaud your desire to come with a novel take on a familiar human problem.? There’s nothing new under the sun about human nature, so what movie makers are looking for is a fresh perspective, a unique story angle.
But the story premise in a logline must not only be original, it must also be credible. It must not be confusing.? It must be easy to understand on the first reading.? (Because 99% of the time, a logline will only get one reading.? It has 10-12 seconds to grab attention, make complete sense, make someone want to read the script.)
That is an especially tall order for a logline set in an unfamiliar world (SciFi or Fantasy) with a different set of rules than the normal world.? Or that entails a story that requires some “movie magic” , a special circumstance that would never occur in the real world.? In the case of this logline, that seems to be the existence of a “ghost costume” in which a person can be imprisoned, invisible, isolated from human contact.
So yeah, this premise is caught in a double bind:? it’s different — but it’s confusing.? That’s how I read it, that’s the concern I have.?? It didn’t make sense to me on the 1st reading… nor the 2nd… nor the 3rd.
Just saying.? Others mileage may vary.
fwiw
See lessWhen a man seeking popularity is rejected by society by being forced into a cursed ghost costume, he must learn to live independently in order to remove it before he’s permanently trapped and forgotten.
Scott Danzig:>>> you're saying ti doesn't help unless it's capture in a logline.Right.? Irony is one of the most effective techniques to use in a? logline? (And in a script)And again, as Richiev asked, forced into this ghost costume by whom?? Who, specifically? And why? When all they have tRead more
Scott Danzig:
>>> you’re saying ti doesn’t help unless it’s capture in a logline.
Right.? Irony is one of the most effective techniques to use in a? logline? (And in a script)
And again, as Richiev asked, forced into this ghost costume by whom?? Who, specifically? And why? When all they have to do is ignore him.? For a narcissist hell is to be ignored — that’s the worst punishment of all.
And if the ironic punishment I suggested is too obvious. IMHO the ghost costume feels too contrived.? It requires the audience to suspend a lot of disbelief.
>>> at least the logline describes the hero’s initial goal
Beg to differ.? “Live independently” is vague.? What’s the visual for that??? Ditto with “ghost costume”.? What does that do?? Make him invisible?
And “learn to live independently” –whatever that looks like — belongs to the “lesson learned” trope; it pertains to his subjective character arc.? But a? logline is not about the character arc.? A logline is about what a character does, not how he changes. A logline is a statement of an objective goal, not a lesson to be learned.
Suspending disbelief and buying into the premise that he’s forced to live in a “ghost costume”, what does he, as the protagonist, proactively do about it?? What does he embrace, pursue as his objective goal?? Not the one forced upon him by others but the one he voluntarily chooses in spite of the one imposed upon him by society.
When Andy Dufresne in “The Shawshank Redemption” is forced to spend the rest of his life in prison, he doesn’t? passively go along with the sentence that society (via the jury trial) has imposed upon him.? He doesn’t accept their objective goal for him — he starts digging.
See less