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  1. Posted: December 14, 2019In: Action

    After a timid young adult is saved from armed assailants by a beautiful vampire, he is manipulated and trained by her coven to track down his elusive uncle: the de facto leader of the vampire hunters.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 16, 2019 at 1:32 am

    Alas, I have some issues with the premise.First of all the protagonist is not motivated -- he's manipulated.? It's not his idea to track down his uncle.? The idea is the vampires.?? So he's more of a puppet than a protagonist.And the vampires have clear stakes, it's a life or death issue for them.?Read more

    Alas, I have some issues with the premise.

    First of all the protagonist is not motivated — he’s manipulated.? It’s not his idea to track down his uncle.? The idea is the vampires.?? So he’s more of a puppet than a protagonist.

    And the vampires have clear stakes, it’s a life or death issue for them.? But what are the life or death stakes for him?? What skin does he have in the game?? Why MUST he find his uncle?

    And why should we, the movie audience, root for the vampires to succeed (through him)?? What makes the relatable to us mere mortals, whose blood they suck? Who are pursuing their objective goal by manipulation, not honest persuasion, not by appealing to a higher universal ethos, to a greater good.

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  2. Posted: December 14, 2019In: Drama

    Once she has finished her relationship, a spoiled young girl begins an exhaustive walk inside of a psychedelic, exclusive and private universe fighting for free herself from pain against the current of her misconceptions about how the love works.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 15, 2019 at 12:55 am

    A protagonist with emotional problems, with a profound subjective need, is excellent raw material for a drama.But "an exhaustive walk inside a psychedelic, exclusive and private universe" refers to an intangible, internal conflict. The problem with that is that film is a visual medium. All conflict,Read more

    A protagonist with emotional problems, with a profound subjective need, is excellent raw material for a drama.

    But “an exhaustive walk inside a psychedelic, exclusive and private universe” refers to an intangible, internal conflict. The problem with that is that film is a visual medium. All conflict, no matter what it is, must be visible.

    A logline is a brief description of a movie plot. And a plot is about a protagonist struggling to achieve an objective goal, that is, something that can be seen. Somehow “the exhaustive walk” must be externalized, portrayed right out there on the screen for the audience to see.

    So the trick to building a film plot and a logline with the raw material of your young woman’s emotional conflict is to have an inciting incident that places her in a specific dramatic situation that forces her to overcome her subjective problem in order to achieve her objective goal.

    As an example take the 2010 movie??It?s Kind of a Funny Story?. ? When a suicidal? teen (troubled protagonist) checks himself in for an overnight stay in a psyche ward (inciting incident) only to discover he can?t leave for 5 days (dramatic problem), he must find a way to escape (objective goal). The plot of the movie explores his subjective conflict within the context of the psyche ward in which he has unwittingly become trapped. ?His struggle to escape (his objective goal) becomes the means by which he solves his ?problem.

    So I suggest that is what your logline needs to do: throw your troubled protagonist into a specific situation that compels her to struggle for a ?specific external objective goal that she can only achieve by overcoming her psychological problem (aka: her character arc).

    So, in effect, her struggle for the objective goal unwittingly becomes her therapy, the way she heals herself.?

    As another example, consider??Ordinary People? (1980), a profoundly moving and psychologically insightful film about a protagonist fighting against depression and guilt, against the overwhelming urge to kill himself. ?(It ?only? won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Script adapted from another medium, Best Actor and Best Director.)

    In ?Ordinary People? the accidental death of a brother in a boating accident plunges the surviving brother into a suicidal spiral of grief and guilt. That is the cause of his psychological scars. The movie opens with a PTSD flashback to the incident, the boating accident, that triggers his crisis.

    In contrast to specificity of “Ordinary People”, the inciting incident of your logline is vague. We have no idea how or why she “finished her relationship”, no clue as to HOW she is suffering so much as a consequence.? We don?t know what makes her suffering different from anyone else?s suffering in any other film about a character dealing with the breakup of a romantic relationship.

    So: what is the specific event that ends the relationship, plunges her into her emotional crisis?

    And as a result of that event, what MUST she do about it? What becomes her specific objective goal, her specific plan to heal those scars?

    And here?s a big one: what?s at stake if she fails? (In ?Ordinary People? the stakes are the protagonist?s very life ? he?ll try to commit suicide again.)

    I? hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: December 14, 2019In: Examples, Romance

    Minutes after a woman flies solo into motherhood with artificial insemination, she meets Mr. Right who thinks she’s his dream girl–but isn’t ready for children.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on December 14, 2019 at 2:00 am

    Can we talk about this film?Of course, this logline doesn't conform to the standard formula. It sets up the situation, the inciting incident, the gotcha in their relationship -- but no specific objective goal is stated.Well, that's the way the movie unfolds, folks. It checks the boxes of all the usuRead more

    Can we talk about this film?

    Of course, this logline doesn’t conform to the standard formula. It sets up the situation, the inciting incident, the gotcha in their relationship — but no specific objective goal is stated.

    Well, that’s the way the movie unfolds, folks. It checks the boxes of all the usual tropes of pregnancy (morning sickness, mood swings, upended sex life, the panic drive to the delivery room) but there is nothing that creates dramatic tension other than the dude alternating between hot and cold about committing to a relationship with her.

    What was the story hook that got a major star, Jennifer Lopez, attached to the project?? Answer: the setup and inciting incident.? And that is the hook that got me to rent the video.

    Obvious the dramatic question is: will the two come to terms of endearment, find true love in the end? That’s the default dramatic question of the romance genre.

    And in this flick, if they can’t, while it’s a bummer, she’s a successful business woman. She can support and raise the kids herself. This is JLo: she will survive and thrive.

    The flick got a middling 5.3 rating at IMDB. The critics green tomatoed it (18) and the audience threw half ripe tomatoes (48). The movie barely made it’s budget back, and that was probably thanks of the star, JLo.

    Actually, I found this movie instructive about the structure and mechanics of the romance genre when compared to adaptations of novels by Jane Austen, the grandmistress, the queen of the romantic genre. But that’s another discussion.

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