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  1. Posted: August 26, 2015In: Public

    When the most trusting man in America journeys to Nigeria to collect his expected inheritance promised to him in an e-mail by a prince, he must overcome bitter reality and find his prince in order to see the good in people once again.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 26, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Why not flip the premise, make the protagonist a Nigerian, an executor of an estate worth millions, but none of the beneficiaries (in the U.S. or wherever) will claim it -- no one will believe him, they all think it's a scam?

    Why not flip the premise, make the protagonist a Nigerian, an executor of an estate worth millions, but none of the beneficiaries (in the U.S. or wherever) will claim it — no one will believe him, they all think it’s a scam?

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  2. Posted: August 26, 2015In: Public

    On the eve of his gay uncle?s anniversary dinner, Marcus must again struggle with alcohol and the impact it continues to have on the family.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 26, 2015 at 4:06 am

    >>the impact it continues to have on the family The impact needs to be specific and a worst possible event that could happen to the main character (Since this story constitutes the crisis/climax of his protracted bout with alcoholism, right?) Like he killed his uncle in an auto accident while drivinRead more

    >>the impact it continues to have on the family

    The impact needs to be specific and a worst possible event that could happen to the main character (Since this story constitutes the crisis/climax of his protracted bout with alcoholism, right?) Like he killed his uncle in an auto accident while driving him to the surprise party, got arrested for DUI and manslaughter and is now sobering up in jail, doesn’t have the money to post bail, as everyone else is arriving for the party.

    If Marcus is the central character and alcoholism and its consequences the central problem, then the fact that his uncle is gay seems incidental. To be sure, it’s a character shading that would certainly enrich the story — but I don’t see how it’s pivotal for the purposes of the logline; hence, I don’t see why it would need to be mentioned in the logline.

    Given the constraints for the length of a logline, every syllable takes up valuable reading real estate and should not occupy the space unless it is absolutely central to selling the plot.

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  3. Posted: August 25, 2015In: Public

    In a last-ditch effort to get rid of her eye sore car, a paranoid business woman risks being mugged in a particularly shady part of town by an unknown and potentially dangerous buyer.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 26, 2015 at 1:40 am

    The logline is still hiding the game ball in terms of the specific risk she will incur that will be played out for the duration of the short. Rape, robbery, or...? To clarify what I mean and mangle metaphors: A good logline is like a fish hook baited with something specific that makes it irresistiblRead more

    The logline is still hiding the game ball in terms of the specific risk she will incur that will be played out for the duration of the short. Rape, robbery, or…?

    To clarify what I mean and mangle metaphors: A good logline is like a fish hook baited with something specific that makes it irresistible for a mind to bite, makes someone want to read the script.

    This logline sets up the expectation that something bad will happen to her. And the expectation that the “something bad” will be the central conflict of the film, to wit, the plot, what she must do when the risk becomes a reality. But the logline doesn’t gives me a clue as to what, among the multitude of dangers she could face, the specific danger she will actually face.

    This logline tosses out a hook bare of bait. Give me something to bite on. Please. I’m hungry, I have the urge, the need to bite. And so do producers, directors and actors. But where’s the bait?

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