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"When an upper-class rebel is suddenly disinherited by his fed-up father, he struggles to win his father?s approval in order to have his inheritance restored, but his plans derail when he is forcibly drafted to fight in the second US civil war."
Spot on what Nir Shelter said about there being essentially 2 inciting incidents: being disinherited and being drafted. And "the war of 2079" raises other questions that distracts from what might seem to be the premise of the story. The war of 2079? What war? How? Why? It might be better to just avoRead more
Spot on what Nir Shelter said about there being essentially 2 inciting incidents: being disinherited and being drafted.
And “the war of 2079” raises other questions that distracts from what might seem to be the premise of the story. The war of 2079? What war? How? Why? It might be better to just avoid mentioning the time frame. Leave that to the story proper. Because the human drama of a son trying to win back his father’s approval by joining the military is timeless; it could take place in World War 2, in the Napoleonic Wars, in the Punic Wars for that matter. That it takes place in 2079 is irrelevant for the purpose of a logline unless there is something special, unique about the whatever happens 2079. In which case, it suggests the story is about something else, something greater at stake than a son’s personal problem with his father.
Given the constraints of a logline, you really only have space to promote one idea, one plot thread, not two or three. What is the central idea of your story, the principal plot? The struggle to reconcile with the father? Fight in a war? A future civil war that takes place in 2079? What is the core plot around which everything pivots?
See lessHunting a dangerous fugitive in 13th century England, a group of mercenaries led by a disgraced knight must brave a surreal frozen hellscape in order to bring their prey to justice.
If his subjective need is to redeem himself, restore his reputation, then wouldn't he have to -- want to -- do the job himself? If he needs to hire a gang of mercenaries to help him, it seems to me his disgrace was well-earned and he's disgracing himself again.
If his subjective need is to redeem himself, restore his reputation, then wouldn’t he have to — want to — do the job himself? If he needs to hire a gang of mercenaries to help him, it seems to me his disgrace was well-earned and he’s disgracing himself again.
See lessWhen her rebellious daughter is abducted by a sinister cult, a desperate mother must follow the dangerous cult leader into the wilderness to save her.
As Karel said. The inciting incident "When her rebellious daughter is abducted by a sinister cult" has promising prospects, but what does "follow into the wilderness" really mean? If it means, she must literally trek to a wilderness to locate her daughter, well, that's mildly interesting. But much mRead more
As Karel said.
The inciting incident “When her rebellious daughter is abducted by a sinister cult” has promising prospects, but what does “follow into the wilderness” really mean? If it means, she must literally trek to a wilderness to locate her daughter, well, that’s mildly interesting.
But much more interesting to me would be a story where she must join the cult, feign blind loyalty to the cult leader and submission to the cult doctrines. She has to convincingly fake it as a true believer in order to locate and rescue her daughter.
A complicating factor in terms of her character might be that she is a thoroughly modern, secular, militant and atheist feminist: in order to save her daughter she has to violate everything she is and believes in.
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