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A weak white supremacist falsely jailed for drugs, gets trained and helped escape by a racist black ex-cop inmate, to hunt down the bad guys and prove his innocence.
Suggestion: if you're going to play the Odd Couple gimmick in the logline, play it for the length of the story -- not just until he breaks out. As the logline is written, readers will expect the Odd Couple chemistry to be a major, ongoing feature of the story. They're not going to be happy when (WTFRead more
Suggestion: if you’re going to play the Odd Couple gimmick in the logline, play it for the length of the story — not just until he breaks out. As the logline is written, readers will expect the Odd Couple chemistry to be a major, ongoing feature of the story. They’re not going to be happy when (WTF!) the Black man is killed off early in Act 2. The premise of the logline implicitly promises major Odd Couple fireworks/chemistry. Deliver on the promise.
(FWIW: it’s the aspect of the logline that hooked my interest.)
See lessWhen a young lawyer awakens ancient powers that cause her to be hospitalized for a psychotic break, an older woman, in guiding her back to sanity, introduces her to strange realities.
And then what? After being introduced to strange realities, what does the lawyer do about it? What becomes the lawyer's objective goal? What's at stake in these "strange realities"?
And then what?
After being introduced to strange realities, what does the lawyer do about it? What becomes the lawyer’s objective goal? What’s at stake in these “strange realities”?
See lessA weak white supremacist falsely jailed for drugs, gets trained and helped escape by a racist black ex-cop inmate, to hunt down the bad guys and prove his innocence.
This logline seems to set up an Odd Couple buddy story. Does the Black ex-cop help the White supremacist pursue the bad guys after breaking out -- or does just help him get out? Either way, I presume the Black man's racism is that he hates Whites. So why would he help a White supremacist? What's hisRead more
This logline seems to set up an Odd Couple buddy story. Does the Black ex-cop help the White supremacist pursue the bad guys after breaking out — or does just help him get out?
Either way, I presume the Black man’s racism is that he hates Whites. So why would he help a White supremacist? What’s his motivation? What, uh, skin does the Black ex-cop have in the White supremacist’s game?
Also, either the White supremacist got caught with drugs in his possession or he didn’t. If he didn’t have the drugs, how could he be convicted without evidence? I suggest you need to clarify his predicament which I’m guessing is that he got busted for drugs that were planted on him.
See less