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  1. Posted: June 22, 2015In: Public

    After being posted to a Greenlandic prison for a temporary placement, a young doctor must help the inmates with their personal problems while dealing with some unruly inmates and unsympathetic guards

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2015 at 11:46 pm

    Why make the protagonist a doctor? The doctor has no responsibility for the day to day running of the facility. She would not be continually interacting with the prison population. She would only interact with those prisoners who come to her with medical issues. Whereas the job of a security officerRead more

    Why make the protagonist a doctor? The doctor has no responsibility for the day to day running of the facility. She would not be continually interacting with the prison population. She would only interact with those prisoners who come to her with medical issues.

    Whereas the job of a security officer entails direct and constant interaction with the entire prisoner population. It’s a more stressful job which means there is more potential for dramatic conflict. It’s a responsibility that puts character flaws to the test because if there’s anything criminals are good at it is intuiting and manipulating character flaws in others.

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  2. Posted: June 23, 2015In: Public

    When a woman?s badly burnt body is discovered, an occult writer investigates a strange Christian sect. She must escape the cult and expose their evil.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2015 at 11:35 pm

    One problem with this version is that there is no character arc. What is the reporter's character flaw that is exposed and tested by the discovery of the burnt body? A good logline explicitly states the objective goal and implicitly suggests the subjective problem -- the arc of transformation the chRead more

    One problem with this version is that there is no character arc. What is the reporter’s character flaw that is exposed and tested by the discovery of the burnt body? A good logline explicitly states the objective goal and implicitly suggests the subjective problem — the arc of transformation the character must undergo– by the designation of a character flaw. What is there about herself that she must confront and overcome?

    A far more interesting story would be if she’s a member of the cult — a true believer — until she discovers the burnt body. Now her faith, her entire belief system, everything she was willing to live and die for is thrown into doubt. She must overcome her delusion and disillusionment and escape from the cult to save her sanity — and her life.

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: June 22, 2015In: Public

    After being posted to a Greenlandic prison for a temporary placement, a young doctor must help the inmates with their personal problems while dealing with some unruly inmates and unsympathetic guards

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 23, 2015 at 8:07 am

    Thanks for the link. The situation of a (more or less) open prison has a lot of dramatic potential. What is your intention: to write a script for a feature film or a script for a series pilot? Another aspect to consider is this iteration of your logline focuses on the problems of unruly inmates andRead more

    Thanks for the link. The situation of a (more or less) open prison has a lot of dramatic potential. What is your intention: to write a script for a feature film or a script for a series pilot?

    Another aspect to consider is this iteration of your logline focuses on the problems of unruly inmates and an sympathetic guards — on the secondary, supporting characters. But what personal problem, what vulnerability, does the situation create for the protagonist arising from the fact that the doctor must deal with unruly prisoners and unsympathetic guards? What character flaw of the doctor — not the prisoner or guards but the doctor — is exposed under the circumstances?

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