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  1. Posted: June 14, 2015In: Public

    A solitary man unable to sleep for 15 years survives by recording everything he sees and playing it back to differentiate between reality and hallucinations, until he becomes the only witness of a multi million dollar crime and every single person wants to alter his reality.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 15, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    Narcolepsy is a disorder marked by chronic sleepiness. So what does he suffer from -- chronic insomnia or chronic sleepiness? People suffering from narcolepsy may experience hipnagogic hallucinations, but so may people not suffering from narcolepsy -- its a normal momentary mental phenomenon. MomentRead more

    Narcolepsy is a disorder marked by chronic sleepiness. So what does he suffer from — chronic insomnia or chronic sleepiness?

    People suffering from narcolepsy may experience hipnagogic hallucinations, but so may people not suffering from narcolepsy — its a normal momentary mental phenomenon. Momentary hypnopompic hallucinations may also be experienced when one is waking up — again quite normal.

    Neither momentary hipnagogic nor hypnopompic are considered markers of insanity, which is a chronic condition.

    Now, if you want to do sci-fi riff off of a normative, benign, mental experience, okay, but the challenge is to get the reader — and viewing audience — to suspend disbelief, buy your premise. And right now, I’m not sure what I’m being invited to suspend disbelief about.

    Also: why not that he witnesses a murder scene rather than a heist? 1] Higher stakes. 2] And works better with the nature of hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations: their brevity. A murder could take place in a few seconds; a heist may take many more seconds to transpire.

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  2. Posted: June 15, 2015In: Public

    When a frustrated public servant is fired from his meaningless job, he decides to become a masked vigilante, protecting his neighbourhood.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 15, 2015 at 7:26 am

    And why, of all the choices he could make after being fired, does he decide to become a vigilante? The inciting incident (getting fired) and the decision (become a vigilante) lacks a strong, obvious causal connection.

    And why, of all the choices he could make after being fired, does he decide to become a vigilante? The inciting incident (getting fired) and the decision (become a vigilante) lacks a strong, obvious causal connection.

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  3. Posted: June 15, 2015In: Public

    When a bullied kid finds a terrifying but badly wounded alien, he rallies his family and friends to help get it back to it's spaceship.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 15, 2015 at 7:22 am

    Yep. Needs a hook that distinguishes it from E.T., not resembles it.

    Yep. Needs a hook that distinguishes it from E.T., not resembles it.

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