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For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep, but when one man manages to escape with his life, he sets off a dramatic chain of events that will ultimately reveal the hidden truth.
So the hidden truth is ultimately revealed? So what? What difference does it make in the life of the protagonist (and others)? What are the consequences? What must the protagonist DO about what has been revealed--or else? What's at stake?
So the hidden truth is ultimately revealed? So what? What difference does it make in the life of the protagonist (and others)? What are the consequences? What must the protagonist DO about what has been revealed–or else? What’s at stake?
See lessAs he chronicles one tenacious man’s fight to survive after a nuclear holocaust decimates life on Earth, a dedicated and determined alien observer must decide whether to obey or defy orders to terminate humanity.
Your revised logline leaves me confused as to where your premise is going; that is, what the plot is. And the primary purpose of a logline should be to succinctly and clearly outline the plot, the "A" story. And what is the "A" story? An X guy having to rescue his Y love interest from a ruthless Z?Read more
Your revised logline leaves me confused as to where your premise is going; that is, what the plot is. And the primary purpose of a logline should be to succinctly and clearly outline the plot, the “A” story.
And what is the “A” story? An X guy having to rescue his Y love interest from a ruthless Z? How unique, how different, how attention grabbing is that? It’s been there, done that in countless movies.
The hook of your story is that an alien experiment called human history is about to end with the extinction of the experimental rats, the human race. That’s the “A” story. Every other story thread should be subordinate and related to that “A” story — and not mentioned in the logline.
fwiw
See lessWith crime running rampant in Los Angeles, a rookie DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost of famed prosecutor DA J. Miles Lenny as they both fight to bring justice to the southland.
People post loglines here because either: 1] they've already finished a script, now are wrestling to write a logline to market it; or 2] They are tossing out a concept, a idea for feedback, for ideas on how to flesh it out. As you indicated you've got a script to go for a series with the deadline foRead more
People post loglines here because either: 1] they’ve already finished a script, now are wrestling to write a logline to market it; or 2] They are tossing out a concept, a idea for feedback, for ideas on how to flesh it out.
As you indicated you’ve got a script to go for a series with the deadline for a pitch looming, so you’re not primarily interested in the viability and marketability of your premise.
Your logline fairly well indicates your concept for the series. However, legendary though he may be, as a general rule loglines do not include proper names. So “the ghost of a famous prosecutor” is good enough.
As written, the logline does not indicate an inciting incident based upon a specific crime case. It only indicates a general situation, to wit, that “crime is rampant”. A general situation provides a context for an inciting incident, but it is not equivalent to an inciting incident. Does this accurately reflect your pilot script? That is, that the rookie DA starts getting advice because crime is in general rampant? Or is it that he starts getting advice in regards to a specific case?
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