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  1. Posted: May 28, 2015In: Public

    A year after the end of a bitter war between mysterious creatures and the human race, a knight in outback Australia discovers a mysterious aboriginal boy, together they learn the grim reality that the war is far from over.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 29, 2015 at 8:26 am

    As Richiev said. The only way I can make sense of the logline is to guess that the Aboriginal boy possesses some mystical 6th sense that reveals to the knight that while the war may have ceased in the apparent world of the 1st 4 dimensions (Space + time), it is now being waged in other dimensions --Read more

    As Richiev said.

    The only way I can make sense of the logline is to guess that the Aboriginal boy possesses some mystical 6th sense that reveals to the knight that while the war may have ceased in the apparent world of the 1st 4 dimensions (Space + time), it is now being waged in other dimensions — with greater stakes.

    But I’m just guessing that is what the story is about. I dunno. And a logline shouldn’t leave a reader scratching his head, wondering what the story is about. A logline should leave a reader wondering how the story is going to play out (ergo, want to read the script).

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  2. Posted: May 28, 2015In: Public

    After a young talented street musician who suffers from stage fright is moving to New York City and wanting to realize his dream of a breakthrough as a band with his brother, he falls into the hands of a greedy music producer who promises the big deal, but forces him to decide between a successful career as a solo artist or an unknown band life with his brother.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 29, 2015 at 7:54 am

    First of all, I have a problem with the "greedy music investor". Given that the Internet has gutted the profits of the music industry, what "greedy investor" would want to risk his money in the music business? Maybe a "greedy and stupid investor" would but... And how does a busker "fall into the hanRead more

    First of all, I have a problem with the “greedy music investor”. Given that the Internet has gutted the profits of the music industry, what “greedy investor” would want to risk his money in the music business? Maybe a “greedy and stupid investor” would but…

    And how does a busker “fall into the hands” of such an “investor”. Or is it more accurate to say the investor-promoter makes him an offer too tempting to refuse? (And also too good to be true?)

    But more germane to the logline, when does the musician come to the cross-roads? When in the trajectory of the story is he forced to make the choice between a solo career or staying with his brother? At the end of Act 1 or…?

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  3. Posted: May 28, 2015In: Public

    When terrorists cease control of the North Pole and take Santa hostage on Christmas Eve, the government sends in an elite task force to rescue him.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 29, 2015 at 7:30 am

    I agree with Tony Edward. Alas, in these troubling times, the word "terrorists" is automatically associated with Islamic extremists. And there is no way this concept will sell to a mainstream studio or audience with that kind of association. So I'm assuming the terrorists are not Islamic extremists.Read more

    I agree with Tony Edward.

    Alas, in these troubling times, the word “terrorists” is automatically associated with Islamic extremists. And there is no way this concept will sell to a mainstream studio or audience with that kind of association.

    So I’m assuming the terrorists are not Islamic extremists. So what kind of terrorists are they? Who would want to take Santa hostage? What’s their motivation, their cause, their agenda?

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