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  1. Posted: May 28, 2015In: Public

    When the bodyless talking brains of the most brilliant scientists want to leave the country, their simple minded transporter must learn to use his head to pass the frontier before the government or the resistance get their hands on them.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 28, 2015 at 7:51 am

    >>the living brains of the 13 most brilliant minds ask him help Confusing. Is he transporting brains? Or men with brilliant minds -- "brains"? (And any particular reason why 13 -- not just one or two?) And no women?

    >>the living brains of the 13 most brilliant minds ask him help

    Confusing. Is he transporting brains? Or men with brilliant minds — “brains”? (And any particular reason why 13 — not just one or two?)

    And no women?

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  2. Posted: May 27, 2015In: Public

    After her teenage sister commits a sudden suicide, an anxiety-disordered young woman returns to her childhood home and begins to discover family secrets that lead her to investigate the tragedy.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 27, 2015 at 11:27 am

    As written the logline suggests two inciting incidents: 1] the suicide. 2] the discovery. Only the latter leads to the main plot line: investigating the tragedy. IOW, taking this logline literally, if there was a suicide -- but no discovery -- would the sister investigate her sister's death? Or is tRead more

    As written the logline suggests two inciting incidents: 1] the suicide. 2] the discovery. Only the latter leads to the main plot line: investigating the tragedy. IOW, taking this logline literally, if there was a suicide — but no discovery — would the sister investigate her sister’s death?

    Or is the story line that the suicide itself triggers the sister into investigating the tragedy — and as a result of that skeletons start falling out of the family closet?

    >>sudden suicide
    Independent of ideation, the act itself is often impulsive so it is sufficient to just say “suicide”.

    >>anxiety-disordered
    Why not grief-stricken instead? Then there would be a more emotionally direct cause-and-effect relationship between the suicide and going home. [The surviving sister’s own disorders could be a complicating factor in the story and the grief could compound her mental affliction.]

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  3. Posted: May 24, 2015In: Public

    Extraterrestrial monsters destroy humanity, save for an obstinate survivalist who vows revenge.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 27, 2015 at 10:15 am

    >>he?s forced to fight, or risk discovery.? Only discovery? Not death? And if as the original logline suggests, the survivalist is indeed the last homo sapiens, after he wreaks revenge on the aliens -- what good will that do? Mankind is doomed to extinction anyway. Bummer.

    >>he?s forced to fight, or risk discovery.?

    Only discovery? Not death?

    And if as the original logline suggests, the survivalist is indeed the last homo sapiens, after he wreaks revenge on the aliens — what good will that do? Mankind is doomed to extinction anyway.

    Bummer.

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