1. Posted: May 14, 2015In:

    A member of a vigilantly cop network must escape custody and get to the feds before he is killed by his own network after he arrested for carrying out vigilantly justice for the group.

    dpg Singularity

    Richiev's version is an improvement and he's right: the inciting incident should kick off the logline. But.... why would I be root for a corrupt cop who seems only interested in saving his gluteus maximus? Who has it coming to him. As the common saying in police work goes "what goes around comes aroRead more

    Richiev’s version is an improvement and he’s right: the inciting incident should kick off the logline.

    But…. why would I be root for a corrupt cop who seems only interested in saving his gluteus maximus? Who has it coming to him. As the common saying in police work goes “what goes around comes around”: life pays back in kind; what you do unto others eventually gets done unto you.

    What is the hook of this story, the core concept? Is it about a corrupt cop administering “street justice”? Or is it about a corrupt cop belonging to a secret cabal of cops, a modern-day star chamber, executing “street justice” because they are frustrated with the failure to get legal justice in the courts?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: May 14, 2015In:

    When a troubled American expatriate is offered work at the Tengen Hotel, he soon discovers that Tokyo’s most exclusive hotel is also the base of operations for a major crime syndicate. Now embroiled in their conspiracy to appropriate control over the city, the expatriate must choose between duty or sentiment as both his mettle and loyalty are put to the test.

    dpg Singularity

    I don't need to know as long as it's credible. However, given the general knowledge of mob culture and the Yakuza movie sub-genre, I should think the question may come up sooner rather than later. Hate to keep harping on it but even though it's a logline for a series, it still needs more specificityRead more

    I don’t need to know as long as it’s credible. However, given the general knowledge of mob culture and the Yakuza movie sub-genre, I should think the question may come up sooner rather than later.

    Hate to keep harping on it but even though it’s a logline for a series, it still needs more specificity as to the action, the plot of the pilot episode. How is he supposed to prove his “mettle and loyalty”. By what specific mission, ritual or test that marks his rite of passage into the netherworld of crime?

    To repeat, I’m talking about is the all-important pilot episode. There are so many competitive venues and programs for an audience’s attention — and more every season — a pilot for a series has to stand out from the opening scene, has to grab an audience by their eyeballs and not let go. That requires a strong plot for the pilot that can stand on its own.

    My personal gold standard for a pilot kicking off a series is the one for “Breaking Bad”. When a mild mannered high school chemistry teacher is diagnosed with fatal cancer, he starts cooking meth to pay the bills and provide for his family after his death. (29 words). All the complications, all the episodes, all the seasons follow from that kick-off plot.

    So what’s the plot for the pilot episode?

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2015In:

    When a troubled American expatriate is offered work at the Tengen Hotel, he soon discovers that Tokyo’s most exclusive hotel is also the base of operations for a major crime syndicate. Now embroiled in their conspiracy to appropriate control over the city, the expatriate must choose between duty or sentiment as both his mettle and loyalty are put to the test.

    dpg Singularity

    Is this an expatriate Japanese-American? I have trouble buying the concept that any American could work his way into a Japanese mafia. Members of criminal mafias bond over ethnic identity.

    Is this an expatriate Japanese-American?

    I have trouble buying the concept that any American could work his way into a Japanese mafia. Members of criminal mafias bond over ethnic identity.

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