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  1. Posted: April 28, 2015In: Public

    updated: In a world of high fantasy, four archetypical adventurers have a brush with death only to learn their fates are determined by a ?role playing game?; they journey into our world, where the laws they know no longer apply, to meet the godlike beings who control them (comedy).

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 29, 2015 at 6:33 am

    "Confront" is vague and rather static. So they meet their controllers face to face. Then what do they do? What must they do? What becomes their objective goal?

    “Confront” is vague and rather static. So they meet their controllers face to face. Then what do they do? What must they do? What becomes their objective goal?

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  2. Posted: April 28, 2015In: Public

    Raani a 3rd grade school going girl from a poor family who always lies to her friends about her father, his job outside the country , and his soon expected return to home ; accepts the reality that her father is dead , and he will not come back ever.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 28, 2015 at 11:12 pm

    The logline suggests a story with a moving human predicament. However, as written, it seems to give away the ending, how the poor girl's predicament is ultimately resolved: she realizes and accepts that he's dead, never coming back. One of the rules of writing a logline is not to give away the endinRead more

    The logline suggests a story with a moving human predicament.

    However, as written, it seems to give away the ending, how the poor girl’s predicament is ultimately resolved: she realizes and accepts that he’s dead, never coming back. One of the rules of writing a logline is not to give away the ending.

    Or realizing that her father is dead may be the jumping off point for the rest of the story. I’m not sure.

    What is the story really about? What she must do after she realizes her father’s dead? Or how she evades reality with lies and self-delusion until harsh reality forces her to deal with the truth? I suggest the logline needs a polish to clarify the story line.

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  3. Posted: April 28, 2015In: Public

    Updated: The editor of a newspaper in a small city begins printing fanciful stories to sell more papers; in the process, she stumbles on to a genuine corruption scandal with national implications.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 28, 2015 at 10:48 pm

    Growing up in a small town, where my grandfather worked on the local paper, I don't find the idea of an editor-publisher printing salacious gossip and fanciful stories as a credible m.o. to pump up circulation. Quite the opposite. Be that as it may, the logline sets up a situation, an editor-publishRead more

    Growing up in a small town, where my grandfather worked on the local paper, I don’t find the idea of an editor-publisher printing salacious gossip and fanciful stories as a credible m.o. to pump up circulation. Quite the opposite.

    Be that as it may, the logline sets up a situation, an editor-publisher struggling to survive, and an inciting incident, she stumbles on a real scandal. But it does not present a plot.

    The plot would answer the question: what must she do, what becomes her objective goal as a result of discovering the scandal?

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