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A young British academic visiting America and a besotted underage runaway evade exposure by passing themselves off as uncle and niece while travelling the country together:think Pygmalion/Lolita
I don't think a logline should explicitly reference another story or myth. A premise should stand on its own two feet. As was said, let the readers draw their own associations to other stories. I can see dramatic potential in the concept, but as Richiev noted, so far, it's a situation not a plot. AnRead more
I don’t think a logline should explicitly reference another story or myth. A premise should stand on its own two feet. As was said, let the readers draw their own associations to other stories.
I can see dramatic potential in the concept, but as Richiev noted, so far, it’s a situation not a plot. An interesting situation? Well, that depends on what they do — the plot — in the context of their situation.
Why is the academic visiting the US, for what purpose, what objective goal? Is the story set in the present? If so, and she’s an underage runaway, how does she obtain a passport? Post-911, it’s harder to come in to the US (legally) under false ID — not impossible, but certainly harder.
In other words, coming to the U.S. under false pretensions these days requires more effort, more risk. Why would the academic, who is supposed to be smarter and more mature of the two, undertake the additional effort and risk that could destroy his career and land him in jail?
And who is the intended audience for this story, young adults?
See lessThe only straight player on an otherwise all-gay football team is engaged to the daughter of a homophobic dinosaur, who just so happens to be the league?s top referee.
The logline describes a situation, but not a plot. What is the dramatic problem that arises from the situation? What is the inciting incident of that problem? As a result of the problem, what must the protagonist do? What becomes his objective goal? What are the stakes? What does he stand to gain ifRead more
The logline describes a situation, but not a plot.
What is the dramatic problem that arises from the situation?
See lessWhat is the inciting incident of that problem?
As a result of the problem, what must the protagonist do? What becomes his objective goal?
What are the stakes? What does he stand to gain if he succeeds, lose if he fails to achieve his objective goal?
When an out spoken video gamer returns home to care for her injured father. She must enter into and win a video game tournament to keep her fathers farm.
Good stakes: saving the family farm. And I think Gabor is on the right track that daughter and father should be alienated. Maybe, he kicked her out of the house because she was more interested in gaming than helping him farm the land. She hated farming, ran away to the big city, bright lights. HowevRead more
Good stakes: saving the family farm. And I think Gabor is on the right track that daughter and father should be alienated. Maybe, he kicked her out of the house because she was more interested in gaming than helping him farm the land. She hated farming, ran away to the big city, bright lights.
However, I think the tournament should be HER solution. The gamer decides to enter the contest — no one asks her. The irony would be that she will save the farm and heal the breach between her and her father by the very means that created the breach.
fwiw
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