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A rookie Intelligence Officer accidentally risks a global incident, when she tries to replace the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with an impostor: his secretly homosexual twin brother.
There might be an interesting story here, but I'm sure yet because the logline fails to provide some key information.? Specifically, I don't know what the danger is, what is at risk. What kind of "global incident"is it ?? The logline needs to be specific about the jeopardy.Nor do I have a clue as toRead more
There might be an interesting story here, but I’m sure yet because the logline fails to provide some key information.? Specifically, I don’t know what the danger is, what is at risk. What kind of “global incident”is it ?? The logline needs to be specific about the jeopardy.
Nor do I have a clue as to the rookie’s objective goal?? Why MUST she replace the minister?? To what end?? What is swapping out twin brothers supposed to accomplish? Swapping out the brothers is a means to an end, isn’t it?? Well, what is that end?
See lessAn ex-con, out to kill a reformed paedophile, falls for the man?s protective sister.
Darkhorse:I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it's makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.That's my 2.5 cents worth.If you don't sRead more
Darkhorse:
I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it’s makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.
That’s my 2.5 cents worth.
If you don’t see it that way, well, it’s your story. Write the version you want to write.? I have nothing more to contribute other than to repeat that that the logline needs to clearly state the protagonist was the victim of sexual abuse.
See lessAn ex-con, out to kill a reformed paedophile, falls for the man?s protective sister.
"Abusive past"? is? general.? It's not clear that he was sexaully abused.? He could have been physically abused -- beaten -- by a tyrannical father.? Or emotionally abused by a lousy mother.? Or both in combination.In order for the reader to understand his motivation, you gotta be specific.And I staRead more
“Abusive past”? is? general.? It’s not clear that he was sexaully abused.? He could have been physically abused — beaten — by a tyrannical father.? Or emotionally abused by a lousy mother.? Or both in combination.
In order for the reader to understand his motivation, you gotta be specific.
And I stand? by my previous suggestion.
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