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  1. Posted: February 13, 2015In: Public

    A week after having leg surgery for which he would need 3 months rest, a 45 year old poor night guard returns to work in order to not loose his job and keep providing for his family. He encounters a group of burglars in a building garage and is unable to stop them.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 9:17 am

    I think the situation has dramatic possibilities, but (per Nir Shelter) there needs to be a tighter focus on the singular dramatic question of the plot. The man's health issues, his poverty, his need to return to work instead of rest are complications. Complications to what? To what happens the nighRead more

    I think the situation has dramatic possibilities, but (per Nir Shelter) there needs to be a tighter focus on the singular dramatic question of the plot.

    The man’s health issues, his poverty, his need to return to work instead of rest are complications. Complications to what? To what happens the night the burglars break in? Or the consequences (like his being fired) that occur after the burglary, after he can’t do what he was hired to do?

    Is the plot about what happens the night of the burglary? Or what happens afterwards?

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  2. Posted: February 14, 2015In: Public

    To fulfill a lifetime dream a terminally ill man heads to the Grand Canyon. On the way he meets a homeless man and helps him reunite with his estranged family instead of finishing his trip.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 8:53 am

    >> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)" So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn't that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the moviRead more

    >> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)”

    So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn’t that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the movie?

    Do you have any particular experience working with homeless people? I do. Based on that experience, I suggest there may be deeper issues and complications worth exploring in the story than the obvious issue of a terminally ill man’s bad fortune and anger issues.

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: February 14, 2015In: Public

    To fulfill a lifetime dream a terminally ill man heads to the Grand Canyon. On the way he meets a homeless man and helps him reunite with his estranged family instead of finishing his trip.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 8:53 am

    >> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)" So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn't that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the moviRead more

    >> His anger over his illness turns to comparison (compassion)”

    So his character arc is a done deal, complete by the start of Act 2 after he decides to help the man? Hmm. Doesn’t that pretty well eliminate any suspense or dramatic tension on the level of his subjective issue for the rest of the movie?

    Do you have any particular experience working with homeless people? I do. Based on that experience, I suggest there may be deeper issues and complications worth exploring in the story than the obvious issue of a terminally ill man’s bad fortune and anger issues.

    fwiw.

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