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“When a daughter witness a murder, the father from the top of the Hells Angels must protect her until the trial.”
I think Richiev's suggestion is on the right track. Each logline element should contribute to the dramatic tension of the story. A father needing to protect his daughter -- there's no inherent conflict, no dramatic tension in that act. What father wouldn't try to protect his daughter -- even a Hell'Read more
I think Richiev’s suggestion is on the right track. Each logline element should contribute to the dramatic tension of the story. A father needing to protect his daughter — there’s no inherent conflict, no dramatic tension in that act. What father wouldn’t try to protect his daughter — even a Hell’s Angel father?
There is dramatic tension in protecting his daughter only if it brings the father into conflict with some other relationship or loyalty or urgent need. As well as puts his own life in mortal danger: trying to save his daughter may get him killed.
See less"A strikingly handsome and intelligent man uses his talents to make deals happen in favor of his employers. But the seemingly harmless game changes when he meets his peer. A man that turns out to be a very dangerous superior."
What are the stakes? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds in closing the deal? The career boosting promotion she's been wanting? What does she stand to lose if she fails? Her job? Her life? >>>"forced to make a decision" Of course, she's forced to make a decision. That's the essence of drama:Read more
What are the stakes? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds in closing the deal? The career boosting promotion she’s been wanting? What does she stand to lose if she fails? Her job? Her life?
>>>”forced to make a decision”
Of course, she’s forced to make a decision. That’s the essence of drama: characters are forced to make decisions that put them in jeopardy. What is the specific jeopardy?
See less"A strikingly handsome and intelligent man uses his talents to make deals happen in favor of his employers. But the seemingly harmless game changes when he meets his peer. A man that turns out to be a very dangerous superior."
What are the stakes? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds in closing the deal? The career boosting promotion she's been wanting? What does she stand to lose if she fails? Her job? Her life? >>>"forced to make a decision" Of course, she's forced to make a decision. That's the essence of drama:Read more
What are the stakes? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds in closing the deal? The career boosting promotion she’s been wanting? What does she stand to lose if she fails? Her job? Her life?
>>>”forced to make a decision”
Of course, she’s forced to make a decision. That’s the essence of drama: characters are forced to make decisions that put them in jeopardy. What is the specific jeopardy?
See less