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  1. Posted: October 30, 2014In: Public

    Against opposition from her family, and his mentor, a graduate from Mongolia and her Russian pen-pal, who are otherwise too poor to go away to school, road-test their courage and their friendship by joining other students and staff to launch their new floating campus aboard the Rainbow Warriors International University

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 30, 2014 at 8:27 am

    As the others have said. What is the story about? The road journey to join the Rainbow Warrior or their effort to "launch a floating campus" once they get there? What's at stake? What do they stand to lose if they fail? Who/what opposes them, that is, who/what opposes them all the way through the stRead more

    As the others have said.

    What is the story about? The road journey to join the Rainbow Warrior or their effort to “launch a floating campus” once they get there? What’s at stake? What do they stand to lose if they fail?

    Who/what opposes them, that is, who/what opposes them all the way through the story? The family and mentor seem be deflectors who try to dissuade them from their journey in the first Act and then drop out of the story, rather than antagonists who continue to oppose and throw obstacles in the path of their objective goal.

    And what’s the dramatic purpose of starting a “floating campus”.

    And I assume that Rainbow Warrior means they are involved in some kind of environmental cause. I would not assume everyone knows about the Rainbow Warrior, no further explanation is needed.

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  2. Posted: October 30, 2014In: Public

    Against opposition from her family, and his mentor, a graduate from Mongolia and her Russian pen-pal, who are otherwise too poor to go away to school, road-test their courage and their friendship by joining other students and staff to launch their new floating campus aboard the Rainbow Warriors International University

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 30, 2014 at 8:27 am

    As the others have said. What is the story about? The road journey to join the Rainbow Warrior or their effort to "launch a floating campus" once they get there? What's at stake? What do they stand to lose if they fail? Who/what opposes them, that is, who/what opposes them all the way through the stRead more

    As the others have said.

    What is the story about? The road journey to join the Rainbow Warrior or their effort to “launch a floating campus” once they get there? What’s at stake? What do they stand to lose if they fail?

    Who/what opposes them, that is, who/what opposes them all the way through the story? The family and mentor seem be deflectors who try to dissuade them from their journey in the first Act and then drop out of the story, rather than antagonists who continue to oppose and throw obstacles in the path of their objective goal.

    And what’s the dramatic purpose of starting a “floating campus”.

    And I assume that Rainbow Warrior means they are involved in some kind of environmental cause. I would not assume everyone knows about the Rainbow Warrior, no further explanation is needed.

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    • 0
    • Share
      Share
      • Share on Facebook
      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
  3. Posted: October 26, 2014In: Public

    A female college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers, who need her body to host their ancient founder for world domination.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 27, 2014 at 9:35 am

    A college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who need her body to host their ancient founder. As the logline is written, while there is a casual connection between the father's death and the the girl's grief, there is no apparent casual connection between the father's death thaRead more

    A college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who need her body to host their ancient founder.

    As the logline is written, while there is a casual connection between the father’s death and the the girl’s grief, there is no apparent casual connection between the father’s death that explains why the secret fraternity selects her body to be the host. If there is one, it needs to be clarified. If not, then while it may be a story element, it is extraneous to the logline.

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