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  1. Posted: September 5, 2014In: Public

    After falling through a wormhole, a powerful young superhero with supernatural power is thrown through a whirlwind when he finds himself in the "Real World" where he and his adventures have been nothing more than a series of books.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 6, 2014 at 7:07 am

    As the others have said. The logline has an inciting incident in the form of a force majeure that hurls the protagonist across the thresh hold into another world and transforms him into an ordinary person. What must he do when "he finds himself" as an ordinary person in the "real world"? What becomeRead more

    As the others have said. The logline has an inciting incident in the form of a force majeure that hurls the protagonist across the thresh hold into another world and transforms him into an ordinary person.

    What must he do when “he finds himself” as an ordinary person in the “real world”? What becomes his objective goal? Who opposes him — who is the antagonist? What’s at stake?

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  2. Posted: September 5, 2014In: Public

    The day before Christmas, an unadventurous, spoiled young boy gets kidnapped. He escapes with the help from a girl who has facts that will help him find his beloved father, but there is a price. He must first recover something that is precious to her before Christmas.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 6, 2014 at 6:58 am

    The logline would benefit from streamlining and refocusing. As currently stated, it seems to present 2 main characters with two different goals. The boy wants to be reunited with his father. The girl wants him to recover "something that is precious". "Something that is precious" needs to be stated aRead more

    The logline would benefit from streamlining and refocusing. As currently stated, it seems to present 2 main characters with two different goals. The boy wants to be reunited with his father. The girl wants him to recover “something that is precious”.

    “Something that is precious” needs to be stated as something specific. But the fundamental issue is that the logline should focus on one main character as protagonist, another main character as antagonist (who is that in this story?) and one objective goal.

    This is not to say the girl’s story line doesn’t belong in the story proper. But there isn’t enough space to cram it in with the boy’s story line. Ideally a logline should not exceed 30 words, certainly not exceed 40 words. This version is 47 words long.

    And just as there should be unity in terms of the objective goal, so should there be a unity of theme. Consequently, her demand is not just a stipulation, a requisite means to his dramatic end. In some aspect it should also be thematically related to his goal (either contrasting or complementary). Which I presume there is the story. Ditto the relationship between the kidnapping and the boy’s objective goal. The two should not only be causally related but also thematically related and I presume there it.

    fwiw.

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  3. Posted: September 5, 2014In: Public

    The day before Christmas, an unadventurous, spoiled young boy gets kidnapped. He escapes with the help from a girl who has facts that will help him find his beloved father, but there is a price. He must first recover something that is precious to her before Christmas.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 6, 2014 at 6:58 am

    The logline would benefit from streamlining and refocusing. As currently stated, it seems to present 2 main characters with two different goals. The boy wants to be reunited with his father. The girl wants him to recover "something that is precious". "Something that is precious" needs to be stated aRead more

    The logline would benefit from streamlining and refocusing. As currently stated, it seems to present 2 main characters with two different goals. The boy wants to be reunited with his father. The girl wants him to recover “something that is precious”.

    “Something that is precious” needs to be stated as something specific. But the fundamental issue is that the logline should focus on one main character as protagonist, another main character as antagonist (who is that in this story?) and one objective goal.

    This is not to say the girl’s story line doesn’t belong in the story proper. But there isn’t enough space to cram it in with the boy’s story line. Ideally a logline should not exceed 30 words, certainly not exceed 40 words. This version is 47 words long.

    And just as there should be unity in terms of the objective goal, so should there be a unity of theme. Consequently, her demand is not just a stipulation, a requisite means to his dramatic end. In some aspect it should also be thematically related to his goal (either contrasting or complementary). Which I presume there is the story. Ditto the relationship between the kidnapping and the boy’s objective goal. The two should not only be causally related but also thematically related and I presume there it.

    fwiw.

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    • Share
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      • Share on Facebook
      • Share on Twitter
      • Share on LinkedIn
      • Share on WhatsApp
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