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?Sent to evaluate the crew and staff of a new U.S. state-of-the-art nuclear submarine during its trial runs, the head of the U. S. DoD PsyOps Division discovers her vengeful ex husband has planted a computer virus to destroy her while on board. Will this deadly psychological war destroy everything??
Presario2000: You've obviously put a lot of thought and time into your story. But as I said in an aside exchange, the challenge of writing a logline for an episode for an established TV series is different than for a pure spec story created ex nihilo. It seems to me that all the feedback you've gottRead more
Presario2000:
You’ve obviously put a lot of thought and time into your story. But as I said in an aside exchange, the challenge of writing a logline for an episode for an established TV series is different than for a pure spec story created ex nihilo.
It seems to me that all the feedback you’ve gotten indicates you’ve got a dilemma. Either you can write a log line with a juicy hook that appeals to all the fish in the ocean (of which the visitors to this site constitute a representative sample). OR you can bait the hook to target a few fish — in one fish bowl: the producers and directors of the TV series in Hollyweird.
But you can’t do both.
You seem to have dismissed or rebutted almost every comment posted. You’ve gone to great lengths to fill us in with back story and character details so we can understand the log line.
Details we shouldn’t have to know: A log line has to stand on its own, on its own 30 words. it shouldn’t require hundreds of words of explanation.
And the only target audience who don’t need all that explanation to grasp the log line are the few fish in that one fish bowl in Hollyweird. Ultimately, you have to craft the log line for that small audience. But it seems we are not representative of that small audience — not even avid fans of the series as you are. Consequently, there is a limit to the feedback we can give.
See lessA plus size full figure woman slips and falls walking down Hollywood Blvd in front of a Casting Agent that just made a bet with his freind that he could find anyone work in Hollywood regardless of the circumstances. And so the Dramedy begins.
And what's at stake for the audience to give a damn or worry about? What does the agent stand to gain if he wins the bet? What does the woman stand to gain? What does he stand to forfeit if he fails? What about the woman? Also "work" is too general. That could amount to a 10-second on role as an extRead more
And what’s at stake for the audience to give a damn or worry about? What does the agent stand to gain if he wins the bet? What does the woman stand to gain? What does he stand to forfeit if he fails? What about the woman?
Also “work” is too general. That could amount to a 10-second on role as an extra in a crowd scene – not much of an accomplishment.
Finally it’s not advisable to have statements like “And so the Dramedy begins” in a logline. The sentence provides no meaningful information about the substance of the story.. Just lay out the concept — let it speak for itself.
See lessWhen his lover is murdered during their routine work on a land deal, attorney and legal historian Charles Aden must penetrate a centuries old legal quagmire of lies and betrayal to bring her modern day killer to justice.
When his lover is murdered during a seemingly routine land deal, an attorney discovers a history of legal entanglements involving the land that he must untangle to bring the killer to justice.
When his lover is murdered during a seemingly routine land deal, an attorney discovers a history of legal entanglements involving the land that he must untangle to bring the killer to justice.
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