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  1. Posted: January 11, 2014In: Public

    A Harlem orphan must face the federal Government and the world's largest corporations after he mysteriously wakes up on his 18th birthday with $458 Billion to his name.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 11, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Okay, but unfrozen for what specific purpose? Why would the boy fight to keep money he knows he hasn't earned, knows isn't his? Okay, sheer greed. Greed is good for motivation. It can kick start a story. But for the audience to sympathize with the character all the way through the story, he eventualRead more

    Okay, but unfrozen for what specific purpose? Why would the boy fight to keep money he knows he hasn’t earned, knows isn’t his? Okay, sheer greed. Greed is good for motivation. It can kick start a story.

    But for the audience to sympathize with the character all the way through the story, he eventually has to be fighting for something better, more altruistic than mere money. (Look at any heist movie. It’s never about the money and only the money; it’s always about something else more important than the money.)

    Why do YOU, Carter, as the reigning god of the world of this story, want this orphan to wake up with $485 billion dollars in his bank account? What is your grand design, your overarching purpose?

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  2. Posted: January 11, 2014In: Public

    While seeking inspiration for his writing, a high school senior gets caught up in the unorthodox sabotage of a rival school's prom, set in motion by a Prep, a Drugee, a playboy, and a billionaire's son.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 11, 2014 at 3:44 pm

    The logline sets up a situation in which the main character is a passive player. He "gets caught up in". It's better if the logline describes the main character in the active tense, as striving to do something, to accomplish something -- or else. What is the senior's objective goal in participatingRead more

    The logline sets up a situation in which the main character is a passive player. He “gets caught up in”. It’s better if the logline describes the main character in the active tense, as striving to do something, to accomplish something — or else.

    What is the senior’s objective goal in participating in the sabotage? What does he hope to gain? What does he stand to lose? IOW: what’s at stake in the story?

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  3. Posted: January 11, 2014In: Public

    A Harlem orphan must face the federal Government and the world's largest corporations after he mysteriously wakes up on his 18th birthday with $458 Billion to his name.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 11, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Carter Breaux: You might want to research U.S. tax law. The Feds don't have to try. They can immediately freeze the account and seize the asset if he can't account for where it came from, prove he acquired it legally. (And the burden is on him to prove it's legally his, not the government to prove iRead more

    Carter Breaux:

    You might want to research U.S. tax law. The Feds don’t have to try. They can immediately freeze the account and seize the asset if he can’t account for where it came from, prove he acquired it legally. (And the burden is on him to prove it’s legally his, not the government to prove it isn’t.)

    My picky point is that one can take dramatic liberties in a movie, but only so far. Unless the genre is out-of-the-normal world fantasy or farce, the premise has to be reasonably grounded in reality to be credible.

    Anyway, so what and why the face off with corporations? And what must he do about it?

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