Yes, much better. To the point.

I’m good with either version of your revised logline as tweeked:

“After meeting the man of her life, a young woman must struggle to overcome the opposition of her domineering widower father with the help of her stepmother.” (27 words)

Having established the fundamental conflict and goal, I’m not sure it’s necessary to introduce the stepmother (as we call them in English) in the logline. So:

“After meeting the man of her life, a young woman must struggle to overcome the opposition of her domineering widower father.” (21) words.

A maid as the ally instead of an adopted mother? I might flip a coin on that one. Although I lean toward the step mother. It seems to me that would introduce more interesting family dynamics and conflicts.

Now that the logline focuses more narrowly on the opposing parties, daughter versus domineering father, an ironic subplot occurs to me: could her ally be a family friend/neighbor widow who in the process of trying to get her father to agree to the marriage, causes the father to fall in love with her?

Just a thought — it’s your story, Jean-Marie — and beyond the scope of the logline. What really matters is that your revised logline now stimulates my imagination as the earlier version did not. So even if you don’t like my idea, it is always a good sign (to me) when a logline gets me brainstorming.

Best wishes with your script.

In find Jean-Marie’s reference to “Aliens” interesting.

In that movie, Ripley adopts the orphaned Newt and fights to save her life. The emotional bond is strengthened by the fact that each has suffered a loss of family: Ripley has lost her daughter (who died on earth while Ripley was drifting through space in hypersleep for decades), and Newt has lost her family to the Aliens.

Subjectively, Ripley needs a daughter to nurture, protect and raise — the experience she was deprived of because of her career as a space pilot. Newt, of course, needs a new mother.

So while I Richiev’s idea of an estranged son is a good one, I would not totally rule out the option that they are unrelated. The trick is to do what James Cameron in writing Aliens and establish a bond between them: they both need each other for subjective, emotional reasons.