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In a world where a new species of human suffers discrimination and containment, a young and erratic Control Officer for the Registry meets a sadistic yet charming bi-species man and builds a partnership that threatens to expose the lies at the foundation of the organization?s operations.
Adopted Axiom: What's your fundamental premise, the hook for the series? Something to do about a time in the not-too-distant future when humans are being genetically engineered?
Adopted Axiom:
What’s your fundamental premise, the hook for the series? Something to do about a time in the not-too-distant future when humans are being genetically engineered?
See lessWhen a downtrodden street-dweller uncovers an underground humanoid-reptilian race’s conspiracy to enslave humanity, he risks his own life to protect that of an innocent little boy.
>> as no caring parent would generally let their four or five year old hang out with a hobo Make the parent(s) tweakers (meth addicts). They'll get uncaring fast.
>> as no caring parent would generally let their four or five year old hang out with a hobo
Make the parent(s) tweakers (meth addicts). They’ll get uncaring fast.
See lessIn a world where a new species of human suffers discrimination and containment, a young and erratic Control Officer for the Registry meets a sadistic yet charming bi-species man and builds a partnership that threatens to expose the lies at the foundation of the organization?s operations.
Hmm. Still too long (48 words) and too complicated. A fundamental challenge for stories in sci-fi and fantasy genres is that the premise consists of ideas and situations that only exist in the imagination of the author, certainly not in the imagination of anyone reading the script or logline. They hRead more
Hmm. Still too long (48 words) and too complicated.
A fundamental challenge for stories in sci-fi and fantasy genres is that the premise consists of ideas and situations that only exist in the imagination of the author, certainly not in the imagination of anyone reading the script or logline. They have no correlates that we can relate to in real space and time. So:
You throw out the premise of “new species of human”.
Okay, I don’t need to know specifics for a logline, I get the general idea.
Then you mix in something about “Control Officer for the Registry”
Now I’m getting confused. What’s a “Control Officer”? What is the “Registry”??
And then you mention the need to “protect the organization”
Now I’m more confused: What organization?? Does it have something to do with the “Registry”?
And then you introduce another species, a “bi-species”. What is a bi-species?
Alas, your logline contains more novel ideals than I can juggle because, again, they only exist in your imagination. So, I’m essentially clueless.
If it’s any consolation, I read somewhere that it took ten years for the Wachowski’s to get “The Matrix” made because nobody could wrap their skulls around the premise.
So welcome to the club, and best wishes with your story. But, at the moment, I just can’t wrap my skull around your logline.
One post-Neanderthal’s opinion.
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