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When a young farm boy is thrust into the horrors of war, he must use his survival skills in order to help proect the first journalist reporting at the Crimean War.
How young is the "young farm boy"? Better to lead with something like "When a XY-year old farm boy is caught up in the horrors of the Crimean war, he must..." Not: 'Help protect" . Just: "protect". "First journalist" -- does the entire plot absolutely pivot on that point? If not, save it for the scrRead more
How young is the “young farm boy”?
Better to lead with something like “When a XY-year old farm boy is caught up in the horrors of the Crimean war, he must…”
Not: ‘Help protect” . Just: “protect”.
“First journalist” — does the entire plot absolutely pivot on that point? If not, save it for the script.
What genre is the story? Coming of age? War-is-heck-but-makes-for-fabulous-CGI? Both?
See lessAbandons by his family Ajay must survive in the wilderness on his own.
How old is Ajay?
How old is Ajay?
See lessWhen a Mafia leader goes to jail, his impulsive shopaholic housewife must assume the role of mafia boss and finish his last deadly mission without jeopardize the rest of the family.
Better. But wouldn't it also be likely that her husband's incarceration creates immediate jeopardy in the form of rivals taking advantage of the situation to divide up his turf and take down his family? (Again, the Godfather has become the golden template for the gangster genre. Even though yours isRead more
Better.
But wouldn’t it also be likely that her husband’s incarceration creates immediate jeopardy in the form of rivals taking advantage of the situation to divide up his turf and take down his family?
(Again, the Godfather has become the golden template for the gangster genre. Even though yours is a comedy. It is a comedy, right?)
See less