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On the run from a Yakuza enforcer, a young Londoner would rather die than be captured but the enforcer is under oath to kill himself if he fails.
The enforcer seems to me to be a more interesting character and have a more interesting predicament than the protagonist. He owes a debt of honor and MUST pay with his life if he fails to capture the Longdoner. That's extraordinary high stakes. One person's impression, fwiw. Yes, innocent people mayRead more
The enforcer seems to me to be a more interesting character and have a more interesting predicament than the protagonist. He owes a debt of honor and MUST pay with his life if he fails to capture the Longdoner. That’s extraordinary high stakes.
One person’s impression, fwiw.
Yes, innocent people may die if the Londener squeals — but will he also die?
Again, as written , the personal stakes for the enforcer seem higher.
See lessOn the run from a Yakuza enforcer, a young Londoner would rather die than be captured but the enforcer is under oath to kill himself if he fails.
As written, it stimulates more questions than interest in my mind. Who is the protagonist? The enforcer or the young Londoner? And why is the young Londoner being pursued? What has he done to make the enforcer his nemesis? And: "kill himself if he fails" Fails to do what? Kill the Londoner? CaptureRead more
As written, it stimulates more questions than interest in my mind.
Who is the protagonist? The enforcer or the young Londoner?
And why is the young Londoner being pursued? What has he done to make the enforcer his nemesis?
And: “kill himself if he fails” Fails to do what? Kill the Londoner? Capture and deliver him to the Yakuza boss
One way or another, is the Londoner doomed to die anyway?
See lessUnable to pay the court costs to his recent divorce, an aging bank teller takes on a gang of ruthless thieves for their score when he is caught as a hostage during a bank heist.
Hmm. It seems you want to set up a character who will be motivated by economic desperation to exploit the heist. And that is fine. However, I suggest refocus and rethinking this part of the premise: "Unable to pay the court costs to his recent divorce". Speaking, ahem, from considerable personal obsRead more
Hmm. It seems you want to set up a character who will be motivated by economic desperation to exploit the heist. And that is fine. However, I suggest refocus and rethinking this part of the premise: “Unable to pay the court costs to his recent divorce”.
Speaking, ahem, from considerable personal observation, it’s not the court costs per se that are so economically devastating–that’s chump change compared to the loss of property and assets when they are divided.
In the case of your “aging bank teller” a divorce would mean his ex has walked away with at least 1/2 of his retirement egg. So now he can’t afford to retire — at any age.
Hollyweird has discovered that Baby Boomers in retirement like to go to the movies, so they’re looking for stories to appeal to the issues that preoccupy that demographic. And actors of a certain age are desperate for vehicles where they don’t have to play silly bit parts while juveniles get the lead roles, the salary and the spotlight.
Properly crafted and packaged, I think your story could be very marketable.
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