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  1. Posted: May 20, 2019In: Comedy

    A reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a twisted and manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 20, 2019 at 10:54 pm

    >>>A reformed sex addictSay what? A logline should describe the state of the character at the start of the story. According to your synopsis, he is anything but "reformed" at the start of the story.>>>Matilda then tells him that to cure himself he must return to being her patient ?Read more

    >>>A reformed sex addict
    Say what? A logline should describe the state of the character at the start of the story. According to your synopsis, he is anything but “reformed” at the start of the story.

    >>>Matilda then tells him that to cure himself he must return to being her patient ? and become dependent upon her and submissive. With great difficulty, Sean agrees and surrenders to her control.

    So Matilda seems to takes over the driver’s seat of the plot. Since she is dominating/manipulating him, why isn’t she the protagonist?

    Frankly, I think a series centered around the manipulative female sex therapist with a rich, glamorous and kinky clientele would be more marketable than one about a sleazy schmuck, addicted to sex and the fantasy world of porn, who can be manipulated by other women.

    Again (and ad nauseum,)I ask what for me is the fundamental question:? what is your story hook?? More specifically for this story, who is the story hook?? Who is the more interesting character for the long haul of a series??

    But if you’re already locked into the script you’ve written., well…

    My 2.5 cents worth.

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  2. Posted: May 18, 2019In: Family

    ? A hypochondriac TV host on the brink of failure must confront his troubled past when the only way to save his show is to go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 20, 2019 at 10:30 pm

    I agree with? Richiev.? ?If a logline has more than one sentence, then the logline is probably too long.The more measure for me is a logline that exceeds 40 words. (I have yet to encounter a logline for a movie that got made that couldn't be summarized in 40 words or less.)? That is, a logline shoulRead more

    I agree with? Richiev.? ?If a logline has more than one sentence, then the logline is probably too long.

    The more measure for me is a logline that exceeds 40 words. (I have yet to encounter a logline for a movie that got made that couldn’t be summarized in 40 words or less.)? That is, a logline should only take 5-6 seconds to read.? And it should make immediate sense.

    This logline is 39 words long — almost at the red line.? However, imho, it doesn’t make immediate sense in terms of stating the singular, clearly defined objective goal of the protagonist that drives the action.

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  3. Posted: May 19, 2019In: Examples

    Inspired by true events, a 90-year old man becomes a drug mule for a Mexican cartel after his horticulture business fails.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 20, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    The movie was inspired by a New York Times story about a 90 year old horticulturist who got busted for transporting heroin for the Sinaloa cartel. A 90-year old drug mule -- that's the story hook in every way.? It's what hooked the screenwriter into? writing the script.? It's what hooked Clint EastwRead more

    The movie was inspired by a New York Times story about a 90 year old horticulturist who got busted for transporting heroin for the Sinaloa cartel.

    A 90-year old drug mule — that’s the story hook in every way.? It’s what hooked the screenwriter into? writing the script.? It’s what hooked Clint Eastwood’s interest, got him attached to the project; it’s what attracted the money needed to finance the movie..? Which is why I chose to lead off with the hook, not the inciting incident.

    About the inciting incident:? In? real life there was none.? As the Times article points out, no one knows what particular combination of circumstances and events caused the man to become a drug mule.? So the reel life of the? film has a manufactured one:? the bank forecloses on his flower business and home.

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