1. Posted: May 24, 2019In:

    A discredited private investigator has a chance at redemption after the missing dead body of his enemies child who happens to be his former boss.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    The sentence is a bit complicated and incomplete, missing a verb,? so I'm not sure what the story is about.? I'm guessing what you meant to say was something like "after the body of his enemy's child is found..." -- that is the inciting incident. In any event, what are the stakes?? He's already on tRead more

    The sentence is a bit complicated and incomplete, missing a verb,? so I’m not sure what the story is about.? I’m guessing what you meant to say was something like “after the body of his enemy’s child is found…” — that is the inciting incident.

    In any event, what are the stakes?? He’s already on the outs with his former boss.? What more does he stand to lose if he doesn’t solve the murder?? ?Is the ex-boss out to kill him?? And what does he stand to gain by solving the murder?? In other words, what does redemption mean concretely?? Does he get his job back?? Does he regain favor with his former boss?? Is his life no longer in mortal danger?

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  2. Posted: May 23, 2019In:

    A quirky, slightly neurotic writer must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation in order to win the heart of the man she loves.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>slightly neuroticOnly slightly?? In a comedy?>>>overcome years of social anxiety and isolationNeeds to be more specific. How does she intend to overcome? What's her game plan? Join an improvisation group? Do stand up comedy? Take up ballroom dancing?? Or...?

    >>>slightly neurotic
    Only slightly?? In a comedy?

    >>>overcome years of social anxiety and isolation
    Needs to be more specific. How does she intend to overcome? What’s her game plan? Join an improvisation group? Do stand up comedy? Take up ballroom dancing?? Or…?

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  3. Posted: May 14, 2019In:

    How a Black police officer infiltrated a Ku Klax Klan chapter with a Jewish partner who eventually became its leader.

    dpg Singularity

    Melsher:You raise a good point.? I considered presenting it in the present tense.? I opted to use the past tense to underscore that the script is? based upon events (in the past).? To? say, "This really happened folks - it's not fiction."If it were? a fictional story, then , yes, I would have used tRead more

    Melsher:

    You raise a good point.? I considered presenting it in the present tense.? I opted to use the past tense to underscore that the script is? based upon events (in the past).? To? say, “This really happened folks – it’s not fiction.”

    If it were? a fictional story, then , yes, I would have used the present tense.

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