Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Cedar Bay is an ideal place to live, work, and play, except for the occasional earthquake and threat of a tsunami. An addicted boat captain must overcome his demons and step up to save the townsfolk when a tsunami hits.
It's unclear to me what the real action line is for the story.? How can one man save? a whole town after a tsunami has in a few minutes already struck and devastated the whole town?>>>except for the occasional earthquake and threat of a tsunamiWhich would seem to indicate that he can't be tRead more
It’s unclear to me what the real action line is for the story.? How can one man save? a whole town after a tsunami has in a few minutes already struck and devastated the whole town?
>>>except for the occasional earthquake and threat of a tsunami
Which would seem to indicate that he can’t be the hero who warns the town and persuades everyone to believe that one is about to strike so get to higher ground because everyone already knows that the area is vulnerable. There would be a warning system in place and everyone would know what to do when it sounds.?
Further, in real life, personal demons can’t be overcome in the space of a few minutes or hours or days for that matter.? And in reel life, personal demons can’t be overcome? (credibly) in one or two or three scenes.
And how credible is it that a man instantly shrugs off the mind-numbing and behavior-debilitating effects of drug addiction and rises to the occasion to effectively help anyone?
Right now, the premise looks like a man with a personal problem in search of situation where he can redeem himself.
See lessA lawyer unwittingly frees and later marries a guilty man. Now she?ll stop at nothing to see him convicted of a murder he didn?t commit.
The premise has potential, but I think you need to straighten out and clarify the legal logic and what is really at stake ethically.>>>unwittingly freesIt's a lawyer's job to give her client the best defense even if she has reason to believe he's guilty.? So if she succeeded getting him decRead more
The premise has potential, but I think you need to straighten out and clarify the legal logic and what is really at stake ethically.
>>>unwittingly frees
It’s a lawyer’s job to give her client the best defense even if she has reason to believe he’s guilty.? So if she succeeded getting him declared not guilty in a court of law, it’s not “unwittingly”.? It’s might be unwittingly for her to have taken the case believing in his innocence.? But then again she has no business being a criminal lawyer if she’s not willing to take clients who she knows are guilty because the nature of the job.
Her mistake was not to have successfully defend him, but to marry him afterwards.? But there is nothing in the original logline to indicate why she married him.? I suggest his defining characteristic,? his charming personality, needs to be incorporated into the logline.
Further, there is no inciting incident to explain why reverses her feelings — the discovery of his guilt.?
>>>Now she?ll stop at nothing to see him convicted
Has she switched roles and become a prosecutor?? But then she can’t.? She would have to recuse herself and if she didn’t the judge would remove her from the case because of her close association with the accused.
And is she now accusing him “unwittingly”, sincerely believing he has committed the second crime? Or is she doing it out spite, to get revenge, for his deception in the first case? If the latter, she would be doing so in violation of the ethical legal code. Which would make her as much a criminal, a villain, as he is.
See lessWhen a close-knit farming village in the Lake District is devastated by foot and mouth disease, it falls to one woman and a mysterious Indian newcomer to save her family and restore hope to the community. Based on a true story.
Maybe something like:After an English farming village must slaughter its beloved dairy cows to contain a devastating disease, a local woman hires an Indian artist to help her grieving community recover.(29 words)Note: "her grieving community" rather than "the grieving community" -- implicitly undersRead more
Maybe something like:
After an English farming village must slaughter its beloved dairy cows to contain a devastating disease, a local woman hires an Indian artist to help her grieving community recover.
(29 words)
Note: “her grieving community” rather than “the grieving community” — implicitly underscoring her emotional and familial ties to the village.
See less