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In 1961, a British double agent is blackmailed with his past crimes by a duplicitous former colleague, and forced to confront some old faces, as he becomes a pawn in the entrapment of a suspected Nazi war criminal, now an American jet-setter living on the French Riviera.
>>> do something which proves him innocent of an accusation that can ruin his life and career (stakes)The protagonist can be guilty as hell and still win over the the audience? by wanting to expose and take down the ex-Nazi as an act of redemption.Whatever, variable and? Ckharper have naileRead more
>>> do something which proves him innocent of an accusation that can ruin his life and career (stakes)
The protagonist can be guilty as hell and still win over the the audience? by wanting to expose and take down the ex-Nazi as an act of redemption.
Whatever, variable and? Ckharper have nailed the primary problem:? the lead character in the logline doesn’t seem to be the progatonist.? Once again,? someone else seems to be in the driver’s seat of the plot; the lead character is along for the ride.
See lessWhen a close-knit farming village in the Lake District is devastated by foot and mouth disease, it falls to one woman and a mysterious Indian newcomer to save her family and restore hope to the community. Based on a true story.
First of all, let my preface my suggestions by stating that I can't read your mind - all the character and events teeming in your head about this story.? All I can read are the words you posted.So first off: Taking your revised version literally -- again, I can't know what you mean to say, I can onlRead more
First of all, let my preface my suggestions by stating that I can’t read your mind – all the character and events teeming in your head about this story.? All I can read are the words you posted.
So first off: Taking your revised version literally — again, I can’t know what you mean to say, I can only know what you said — it seems to say that the foot and mouth disease ravaged people. (After all, it’s people who dwell in villages; livestock dwell in barns and in fields.) Well, humans can be afflicted with foot and mouth disease. But the symptoms and consequences are usually mild compared to the devastation the disease inflicts on livestock.? And it is the latter who are the victims of the disease in this story.
Second: from an outsider’s perspective — and everyone who reads your script will be an outsider — the character with the more interesting problem and struggle seems to be the Indian. Why? Because he’s an outsider; he has to clear an obstacle course of prejudice and distrust that the local woman, an insider, doesn’t.
Also, it usually better to frame a logline from the perspective of one primary character, AKA the protagonist, even when (as in this story) the protagonist must find and work with an ally.
So I suggest reframing the logline (and script) from the point of view of the Indian,
And you also want to signal to logline readers that this story is not fiction, that it’s based upon a real crisis. And I presume that crisis to be the English foot and mouth disease epidemic of 2001 that required the slaughter of over 6 million animals.? Not for food, but for burial — to contain the epidemic.
So, here’s my take:
When an epidemic of foot and mouth disease infects millions of English livestock in 2001, an Indian outsider forges an unlikely friendship with a local woman to save her farming community from economic ruin.
(34 words)
Hope this helps.
See lessWhen a close-knit farming village in the Lake District is devastated by foot and mouth disease, it falls to one woman and a mysterious Indian newcomer to save her family and restore hope to the community. Based on a true story.
When their cattle are devastated by foot and mouth disease, a local woman forms an unlikely friendship with an Indian newcomer to save a Lake District farming community. (28 words) I'm guessing that a unique story element is not just the nature of the dramatic problem but the nature of the relationsRead more
When their cattle are devastated by foot and mouth disease, a local woman forms an unlikely friendship with an Indian newcomer to save a Lake District farming community.
(28 words)
I’m guessing that a unique story element is not just the nature of the dramatic problem but the nature of the relationship between the two.? That as rural communities tend to be clannish and insular,? the Lake District community wouldn’t? readily accept outsiders, certainly not one with a different skin pigmentation, customs, and a polytheistic religion.
See less