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A young girl, orphaned by cholera struggles, to stay out of the hands of the man who abused her. She dons boy?s clothes to flee West in search of a new family.
The others make good points.? I sense a compelling story of a young girl who must undergo a harrowing journey to escape a dangerous situation and find? sanctuary and a new life elsewhere.? ?But before making suggestions on how to polish and focus the logline I would like to know more information. LiRead more
The others make good points.? I sense a compelling story of a young girl who must undergo a harrowing journey to escape a dangerous situation and find? sanctuary and a new life elsewhere.? ?But before making suggestions on how to polish and focus the logline I would like to know more information. Like: How old is she?? What is the time setting for the story?? Where specifically is she fleeing from?? Does she start out with a specific destination in mind?
See less3RD DRAFT…..The idyllic life of an adolescent surfer drastically changes when his family moves to pre-revolution Tehran, an American melting pot submerged in an alien culture where certain realities are but an illusion.
>>>?he is further impacted by the unlikely acquisition of a falcon.Ah,? he acquires a falcon.? This could be your story hook.? Don't? hide it, flaunt it, build your logline around it.? Training and working with a falcon could be the basis for an interesting story in any country or culture iRead more
>>>?he is further impacted by the unlikely acquisition of a falcon.
Ah,? he acquires a falcon.? This could be your story hook.? Don’t? hide it, flaunt it, build your logline around it.? Training and working with a falcon could be the basis for an interesting story in any country or culture in any era.
Now then:? the current version of the logline portrays him as passive victim of circumstances.? How does acquiring the falcon serve as a catalyst to transform him from a passive to a proactive character? He acquires a falcon and then what?
See less3RD DRAFT…..The idyllic life of an adolescent surfer drastically changes when his family moves to pre-revolution Tehran, an American melting pot submerged in an alien culture where certain realities are but an illusion.
On the plus side, you are drawing from the well of your own experience.? So the film you have in mind? will feel authentic to a movie audience in terms of the details of life in pre-revolutionary Iran.But when I look at your logline, I see a situation for a plot -- but I don't see a plot.? I get noRead more
On the plus side, you are drawing from the well of your own experience.? So the film you have in mind? will feel authentic to a movie audience in terms of the details of life in pre-revolutionary Iran.
But when I look at your logline, I see a situation for a plot — but I don’t see a plot.? I get no sense of what objective goal arises for the main character as a result of the cultural and social tensions.? A logline is a succinct statement of a plot? And a mandatory element in a plot, and hence in a logline (as explained in the formula), is? an objective goal the protagonist, something he wants to achieve or have badly.
For a moment, forget about presenting a polished logline? that hits all the marks in terms of the mandatory elements.? All I want to know right now is the teenager’s objective goal.? What is it?? What does he want?? What must he do by the end of the film?
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