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A psychiatrist on the verge of suicide is haunted by a ghost who shows him that the way to his own happiness is through the suffering of his clients.
Agree with mikepedley85.? Using a ghost for the inciting incident? feels like contrived, convenient, a deus ex machina m.o. to kick off the plot.? I think the core premise would work better if the inciting incident arises organically from character rather than contrivance.?Which should be easy enougRead more
Agree with mikepedley85.? Using a ghost for the inciting incident? feels like contrived, convenient, a deus ex machina m.o. to kick off the plot.? I think the core premise would work better if the inciting incident arises organically from character rather than contrivance.?
Which should be easy enough to do . For example, in a depressed mood the shrink unintentionally gives bad advice to a client.? On the next visit, when the client informs him it only made his life more miserable, the shrink experiences schadenfreude and a lifting of his depression.? The depression returns and isn’t lifted until the next time? he finds out his advice unintentionally made matters worse.? This sets the psychological hook in his mind that motivates him to intentionally give bad advice.? ?Comedy and complications ensue.
fwiw
See lessWith dreams to box at the 2000 Sydney Olympics and provide for his family, a young man is offered a more profitable career by a charismatic crime figure clashing with his values, beliefs and kind-hearted nature.
Richiev's version is a version of the "Rocky scenario".? Rocky? Balboa pursued his dream of boxing by night.? His day job was to collect money for a local loan shark mobster. Further, my understanding is that Caleb's intention is to develop a character arc? from relative innocence to morally corruptRead more
Richiev’s version is a version of the “Rocky scenario”.? Rocky? Balboa pursued his dream of boxing by night.? His day job was to collect money for a local loan shark mobster.
Further, my understanding is that Caleb’s intention is to develop a character arc? from relative innocence to morally corrupt, more akin to that of Michael Corleone in the “Godfather” saga, or
Walter White in the “Breaking Bad” series. or Malik El Djebina in “A Prophet”.
I am 10,000 miles removed from the setting of Caleb’s? story premise. What would pique my interest is a story that? takes me inside a criminal underworld far removed and far different from the ones routinely dramatized in the US of A.? From my distant vantage point that is the story hook.
fwiw
See lessWorking for the dole at a front for a criminal syndicate, a young man with dreams to box in the Sydney Olympics has an altercation with a client at work — capturing the eyes of the Owner who offers him a more profitable career… Clashing with his values and dreams.
>>?His goal is to provide for his family.How?As Richiev said, the logline sets up the situation and inciting incident for a plot, but it doesn't follow through with a complete plot.? That is, it fails to tell us his response to the job offer.? We have no idea what will become his? over archingRead more
>>?His goal is to provide for his family.
How?
As Richiev said, the logline sets up the situation and inciting incident for a plot, but it doesn’t follow through with a complete plot.? That is, it fails to tell us his response to the job offer.? We have no idea what will become his? over arching objective goal.
Even though, you are laying the foundation for a series, the pilot episode has to contain a story hook that will induce viewers to? come back next week to find out what happens next.? What happens next is determined, in this case, by what the protagonist decides to do about the offer.? The logline should tell us what his decision is, what becomes his objective goal.
But it doesn’t.
In the pilot episode of “Breaking Bad”, Walter White’s over arching goal is to provide for his family after his death. How? By producing and selling meth. That raises the dramatic question: “Will this mild mannered, unassertive man succeed in a cut throat world that demands courage and cunning to merely stay alive, let alone prevail? “? That’s the story hook, what kept viewers coming back week after week to find out what happens next.
Exactly how does your protagonist plan to provide for his family?? What’s the story hook that will keep viewers coming back week after week to find out what happens next?
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