Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
In an anthropomorphic world, a cub of a fallen hero creates the worlds first diverse sports team. Determined to avenge his father legacy, These outcasts dare to challenge the undefeated super team in a futuristic competition called hypersports.
Willymelvin22:Since you?ve posted 3 iterations of the concept, I?m guessing it?s one near and dear to your heart,? one you have a lot of passion for.? So, for what my advice isn?t worth (not even 2 cents), here?s my take:First of all, you can drop ?in an anthropomorphic world? because that?s obviousRead more
Willymelvin22:
Since you?ve posted 3 iterations of the concept, I?m guessing it?s one near and dear to your heart,? one you have a lot of passion for.? So, for what my advice isn?t worth (not even 2 cents), here?s my take:
First of all, you can drop ?in an anthropomorphic world? because that?s obvious from the premise.
What isn?t obvious is what ?hypersports? entails.? Is this an Olympic-like competition? where? animals (mostly) compete in individual sports?? Or is it a singular team sport?? Since I gather you intend to use it as an allegory for humans working together despite their differences, I nominate the latter as the best dramatization of that idea.
Whatever,? a frequent defect Blake Snyder ( of ?Save the Cat? fame)? detected in loglines? was that their tendency to ?hide the game ball ?.? The logline didn?t disclose the object or objective that everyone is fighting over.? In your loglines for this concept, you go one step further and hide the game!
So what is the game?
Now about casting the lion as the protagonist.? IMHO:? too obvious, too easy.? And the character seems? to come off as a knock-off of the? Disney?s ?Lion King? character.? (You do realize that your protagonist lion will inevitably be compared in the minds of logline readers to the Disney character?)? ?So, what really differentiates that story from yours in terms of the characterization of the protagonist?
Further, I don?t view the fact that he?s living in the shadow of his father as an effective inducement of audience sympathy.? ?So what?? He?s still belongs to the alpha-species, the king of the animals.? He?s heir to the title.
And I would point out that audiences are more likely to emotional engage and root for teams that are? underdogs, all losers, outcasts, misfits, social rejects from top to bottom.? So I?suggest that a more effective dramatic strategy would be to cast the protagonist as a loser from an outcast species, one that don?t get no respect, nowhere, no how from no one.? Like a warthog.? Or a baboon.?
That would create a? good complication, more dramatic tension to reaching the objective goal,? The protagonist has an ongoing struggle to win the respect of the team, to get them to unify behind his leadership.?
Or if you must have a carnivore as team captain, may I suggest for your consideration a spotted hyena.? ?Looks ugly, sounds awful, ignoble and inglorious in every way. The trailer park trash of the African savanna. (Can you imagine the visage of a hyena? instead of a lion, a screech instead of a roar in the MGM logo?? Or a pair of majestic marble hyenas presiding over the entrance to the fabled New York Public library on 42nd Street??Of course not.)
But here?s the twist, the spotted hyena is a matriarchal species.? The female is the alpha sex; females rule; males are only needed for reproduction.? IOW:? this would be an opportunity to create a strong female protagonist.? You say you want a story that celebrates diversity.? Well,? where do? females fit into your menagerie? What pivotal roles do they have?? What is there in this story to attract half the people in the world, half the viewing audience who aren?t guys?
fwiw
See lessAfter losing a competition and her partner, the competitive girl finds a new partner with skills in martial arts, which brings her dance skills to a new level and allows her to open up to a new possibility, unaware of the dangerous people looking for him.
My impression is that the? martial arts fighter would be a more interesting, and hence, a better candidate to be the protagonist than? the dancer.? And so a better character around whom to frame the plot (and logline).For one? thing, the fighter is a "fish out of water" character,? the one who has tRead more
My impression is that the? martial arts fighter would be a more interesting, and hence, a better candidate to be the protagonist than? the dancer.? And so a better character around whom to frame the plot (and logline).
For one? thing, the fighter is a “fish out of water” character,? the one who has to adapt to a radically new role, a totally new situation, learn whole new moves.? The fighter has to learn to work with instead of fight against.?
Further, he is the character who has to take the greater risks, faces the greater jeopardy because of the enemies he’s made.? He has more at risk, more to lose than the dancer does,? like his life.? What does the dancer have to lose other than her pride and the respect of her peers?? She already lost those in the setup.
However,? I like that you want to cast a woman in the protagonist role.? So why not switch their roles?? He’s the dancer; she’s the fighter?
fwiw
See lessIn this classic ‘rags to dishes’ story we follow the delicious adventures of two young DJ Chefs trying to make it big on the celebrated party scene….
This might work as a blurb -- but not as a logline.Blurbs (or teasers) are targeted at movie viewers while loglines are targeted a movie makers. They are distinct markets with distinctly different requirements.The target market for a logline? comprises people who want to know what the plot of the scRead more
This might work as a blurb — but not as a logline.
Blurbs (or teasers) are targeted at movie viewers while loglines are targeted a movie makers. They are distinct markets with distinctly different requirements.
The target market for a logline? comprises people who want to know what the plot of the script is.? That is,? a statement that answers? the questions: 1] Who is the protagonist? 2] What is her objective goal? 3] Who or what stands in the way?
“In this classic ‘rags to riches’ story”? is extraneous to the purpose of a logline.? “Delicious adventures… trying to make it big”? doesn’t lay out a specific objective goal.? ?Nor do we have a clue as to what creates suspense, dramatic tension, in the form of who? andor what opposes their pursuit.? Nor do we have a clue as to the inciting incident , the event that what motivates him or her to pursue? what ever that objective goal may be.
fwiw
See less