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TRIANGLE DANGEREUX — After a French female painter uses a time portal to successfully sell her cubist self portret at the Salon des Refus?s,1886, she convinces a rejected Van Gogh she’ll be his muze if he kills her made rich – double crossing – artdealing twin sister.
You had an interesting story idea going with a woman going back in time to be Van Gogh's muse.? But having him kill her evil twin sister is, well, overkill.?
You had an interesting story idea going with a woman going back in time to be Van Gogh’s muse.? But having him kill her evil twin sister is, well, overkill.?
See less“When he discovers the wild animals he’s hired to kill are actually outback Aborigines, an old west sharpshooter uses his rifle skills to take down the greedy landowner and protect the very people he was hired to kill.”
An American cowboy hired to kill `'wild animals`' in the Outback instead uses his sharpshooting skills against his Australian employer when he discovers his job is to kill Aborigines. (29 words) Awkward.? My principal concern is that the original version? buries the identity of the protagonist in thRead more
An American cowboy hired to kill `’wild animals`’ in the Outback instead uses his sharpshooting skills against his Australian employer when he discovers his job is to kill Aborigines.
(29 words)
Awkward.? My principal concern is that the original version? buries the identity of the protagonist in the logline.? He’s not identified until almost 1/2 way through .? So if I were to stay with the original version, I would lead off with “When an American cowboy — clearly identifying the protagonist by the 4th word instead of the 18th.
fwiw
See lessRevised: Exes – A 25 year old unemployed woman asks her depressed ex-boyfriend from college for a urine sample in order to pass a drug test for a potential job at her Father’s sign shop. In doing this she wants to enable herself to move out of her Mother’s house and re-enter the dating scene.
The revised logline reveals the game balls.? Three of them:? get a job, move out of her mom's house, re-enter the dating arena.? However, for the purpose of a logline, as well as framing a plot, one of them has to be the most important, the one that constitutes the overarching objective goal.? All tRead more
The revised logline reveals the game balls.? Three of them:? get a job, move out of her mom’s house, re-enter the dating arena.? However, for the purpose of a logline, as well as framing a plot, one of them has to be the most important, the one that constitutes the overarching objective goal.? All the others others are sub goals — milestones along the way to the most important goal.? Which is…?
Does she want to play the dating scene for fun and one night stands — or is she seriously in search of a mate?
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