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Revised: Exes – A 25 year old unemployed woman asks her depressed ex-boyfriend from college for a urine sample in order to pass a drug test for a potential job at her Father’s sign shop. In doing this she wants to enable herself to move out of her Mother’s house and re-enter the dating scene.
The logline needs to be more specific; it needs to show -- not hide -- the the game ball.? Or maybe balls. By game balls I mean objects and objectives that everyone is fighting over, that are the sources of the conflict.Specifically:>>>asks...for a favorWhat's the favor?? Donate some of hisRead more
The logline needs to be more specific; it needs to show — not hide — the the game ball.? Or maybe balls. By game balls I mean objects and objectives that everyone is fighting over, that are the sources of the conflict.
Specifically:
>>>asks…for a favor
What’s the favor?? Donate some of his urine for her to pass it off as her own?? This is the inciting incident, the kick off.? Whatever kicks off the plot needs to be revealed — not hidden — in a logline.??
And why does she need to take? a drug test?? To get a job?? ?What is her objective goal?
>>she re-opens old wounds
See lessAre those wounds literal or figurative?? Be specific.? Whatever they are they don’t constitute the objective goal; rather the “wounds” constitute a complication to achieving her objective.? Which again is…?
A strong teenage girl begins training at a unique academy to fight the Gods who are trying to kill her family and her.
What differentiates this from? Wonder Woman?
What differentiates this from? Wonder Woman?
See lessAn accomplished Nigerian scam artist, beset by his conscience after his latest victim commits suicide, decides to quit the game but there is one last score.
One last score against who, involving what?? ?Specifically,? what is his objective goal?? "One last score" is vague -- it hides the game ball.? A logline should show the game ball, not hide it; it needs to clearly state the object and/or objective that everyone is fighting over.And why? Obviously, hRead more
One last score against who, involving what?? ?Specifically,? what is his objective goal?? “One last score” is vague — it hides the game ball.? A logline should show the game ball, not hide it; it needs to clearly state the object and/or objective that everyone is fighting over.
And why? Obviously, his conscience doesn’t beset him? enough.? Why is that??The suicide doesn’t seem to qualify as an inciting incident if he keeps on doing what he was doing before .? What is the specific inciting incident that motivates him to go for one last score?
See less