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  1. Posted: October 20, 2018In: SciFi

    When a lonely teenager, raised by intelligent machines, dreams they are lying about the extinction of humankind, he decides to run away on a perilous quest to find other humans.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 23, 2018 at 4:43 am

    >>>dreams that they are lyingLying about what?And what is so compelling about the dream that it motivates him to flee?>>>others like himLike him in what way?? Machine raised, too, or...?>>>overcoming his fear to be alone???? Aren't most people? What's so unusual about thatRead more

    >>>dreams that they are lying
    Lying about what?

    And what is so compelling about the dream that it motivates him to flee?

    >>>others like him

    Like him in what way?? Machine raised, too, or…?

    >>>overcoming his fear to be alone

    ???? Aren’t most people? What’s so unusual about that?

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  2. Posted: October 23, 2018In: Action

    After being sent to the future during a battle, the two warriors fight to finish what they started.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 23, 2018 at 4:40 am

    Fighting over what?? ?For what --what are the stakes?? Why should we care who wins?

    Fighting over what?? ?For what –what are the stakes?? Why should we care who wins?

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  3. Posted: October 21, 2018In: Action

    An up and coming hacker uncovers a plot that will plunge the world into financial ruin, and must decide whether to stop it or save the girl he loves.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 21, 2018 at 11:31 am

    A well constructed plot should create a dramatic dilemma for the protagonist.? But a logline is not about having to decide between X and Y.? It's about either? 1]what happens after choosing X or Y? by the end of the 1st Act or the struggle? and events that build to a climactic dilemma in the last AcRead more

    A well constructed plot should create a dramatic dilemma for the protagonist.? But a logline is not about having to decide between X and Y.? It’s about either? 1]what happens after choosing X or Y? by the end of the 1st Act or the struggle? and events that build to a climactic dilemma in the last Act.

    I find it hard to imagine a scenario where he has only two mutually exclusive choices.? Where? he must either throw her under the bus to save the world or throw the world under the bus to save her.? Therefore, I suggest the nature of the conspiracy needs to be clarified.? What is to special about the conspiracy that will create this dramatic dilemma?

    Because? these days with so many competing entertainment venues, an audience won’t wait through the 1st Act… and? wait some more through the 2nd Act… until finally, in the last Act the? plot delivers the story hook.? A logline has to lay down a story hook in the 1st Act, a situation that will immediately grab and hold an audience’s attention .

    What is the that 1st Act story hook?? That’s what the logline needs to be about.

    fwiw

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