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  1. Posted: October 24, 2018In: Student Loglines

    A group of AP students must explore the balance between studying and partying in order to better understand the high school experience.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 24, 2018 at 8:10 am

    >>??must explore the balance,,,??in order to better understandThat pertains to the subjective story, what they need to learn? --? but initially don't realize they need to learn.? (And in drama, characters never start out? knowing what they really need to learn. )? But loglines are not about suRead more

    >>??must explore the balance,,,??in order to better understand

    That pertains to the subjective story, what they need to learn? –? but initially don’t realize they need to learn.? (And in drama, characters never start out? knowing what they really need to learn. )? But loglines are not about subjective story.? Loglines are about the objective story? and that is about the pursuit of a concrete (ergo, visual) goal or destination.

    The subjective story line is about what they unintentionally learn in the process of intentionally pursuing the objective goal.

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  2. Posted: October 20, 2018In: SciFi

    When a lonely teenager, raised by intelligent machines, dreams they are lying about the extinction of humankind, he decides to run away on a perilous quest to find other humans.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 23, 2018 at 10:47 pm

    In a post-apocalyptic world, a boy being raised in the Outback by loving robots who tell him he is the only human left, goes in search of people who inhabit his dreams.32 words,? awkward, but...I think it would be more interesting if the robots are perfect parents.? He has no objective reason to douRead more

    In a post-apocalyptic world, a boy being raised in the Outback by loving robots who tell him he is the only human left, goes in search of people who inhabit his dreams.

    32 words,? awkward, but…

    I think it would be more interesting if the robots are perfect parents.? He has no objective reason to doubt what they say, or resent or rebel against their parenting.? Hence, he has no “good” reason or desire to to leave? — except he must follow his dreams.

    This raises several dramatic questions.? Can he survive alone in the hostile environment of the Outback?? And will he find other humans?

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: October 22, 2018In: Horror

    Logline: A junior level cyber crimes investigator races against the clock to track down a sadistic online stalker before he strikes his next chosen victims, her family.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 23, 2018 at 6:08 am

    At the moment, this generates more questions than curiosity.Stalking is an online aggravation, to be sure, but that doesn't mean it's a threat to limb and life.? If her family's life is in mortal jeopardy, then then he's more than a stalker, he's a killer and the logline needs to make that threat clRead more

    At the moment, this generates more questions than curiosity.

    Stalking is an online aggravation, to be sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s a threat to limb and life.? If her family’s life is in mortal jeopardy, then then he’s more than a stalker, he’s a killer and the logline needs to make that threat clearer.? IOW:? what does “strike his next victims” mean?

    Also, how exciting is it to watch someone tracking down a threat by keystroking and mouse clicking?? And how does the audience even understand what all those keystrokes and mouse clicks mean?? We can guess that later or sooner she will meet the menace face to face, but until then what is there visually and dramatically to engage and hold our interest?? That’s a narration issue that seems? to arise out of the premise.??

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