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Revision 2: A telepath must install a countermeasure in a guarded government facility, before an anti-telepath weapon is launched.
As mikepedley85 said. And there's a missing link in the logic.? How/why will trading in her "beloved" (beloved who/what:? lover, child, dog, cat?) enable her to rescue the victims?
As mikepedley85 said.
And there’s a missing link in the logic.? How/why will trading in her “beloved” (beloved who/what:? lover, child, dog, cat?) enable her to rescue the victims?
See lessA jailed former wrestler, gets another chance in the spotlight by putting on wrestling shows in prison, but after his early parole, he struggles to cope without it.
The original version of the logline reads like a bait and switch.? It sets up an interesting premise -- then drops it for something else.? What that something else might be is unclear.? "Struggling to cope" is not an objective goal.? What is the story about?And? "An imprisoned ex-wrestler must choosRead more
The original version of the logline reads like a bait and switch.? It sets up an interesting premise — then drops it for something else.? What that something else might be is unclear.? “Struggling to cope” is not an objective goal.? What is the story about?
And? “An imprisoned ex-wrestler must choose between reconciliation with his estranged daughter or another shot at the chance… might be construed as a knock off of a subplot of Darren Arononfsky’s “The Wrestler” (2008).?
And loglines are not about choices to be made.? Loglines are about the plot that follows from choices made.
fwiw
See less2112: the government is about to destroy a city?s ability for deep emotion, an outcast telepath must trade in her beloved, to rescue someone murdered in the past to start an uprising.
Agree with the others.? The logline juggles too many balls.? I don't know what the story is? about.? And I should be able to grasp that from a logline -- immediately, 0n the 1st read.
Agree with the others.? The logline juggles too many balls.? I don’t know what the story is? about.? And I should be able to grasp that from a logline — immediately, 0n the 1st read.
See less