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As for being a janitor, burger flipper or ditch digger..those jobs are for the other people to do. At the age of 28, Charlie Bean comes to the harsh realization that he just might be the other people.
As variable said. What is the inciting incident that created his realization? As a result of that, what is his objective goal -- what does he decide to do it? What/who stands in the way? What are the stakes? Check out "Our formula" at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry accRead more
As variable said.
What is the inciting incident that created his realization?
As a result of that, what is his objective goal — what does he decide to do it?
What/who stands in the way?
What are the stakes?
Check out “Our formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry acceptable logline.
See less“They say first impressions are the most important. Luckily, twelve-year-old geek, Gordon Periwinkle gets a second.” A reluctant geek looks to create a new image when he is the new kid in school. After he fails miserably, he gets a second chance to re-live that week, this time he takes a completely different path while fully knowing the outcome of each previous decision.
I think it would be a more interesting story if you dumped the magical 2nd chance schtick and have his objective goal to be to overcome the wrong 1st impression he made.? ?It's? more dramatically challenging -- hence, interesting -- for a character to overcome an existing problem he created than toRead more
I think it would be a more interesting story if you dumped the magical 2nd chance schtick and have his objective goal to be to overcome the wrong 1st impression he made.? ?It’s? more dramatically challenging — hence, interesting — for a character to overcome an existing problem he created than to get a 2nd chance/reset/reboot to to avoid it altogether.? ? The character arc is more compelling.? A protagonist should always have no choice but to take the hardest path — not an easier one.
Also, there is no need to give the protagonist’s name in a logline.? More important is a character descriptor.
fwiw
See lessTwo occult detectives must investigate a murder at a prestigious boys boarding school when the body of a missing boy is discovered.
As the others have said.? If the detectives specialize in the occult, it doesn't make sense that they don't believe the cause of death was supernatural.? And why must there be two detectives?? Who of the two is the protagonist, the lead detective in the case? (There is always one -- that's standardRead more
As the others have said.? If the detectives specialize in the occult, it doesn’t make sense that they don’t believe the cause of death was supernatural.? And why must there be two detectives?? Who of the two is the protagonist, the lead detective in the case? (There is always one — that’s standard operating procedure)
See less