1. Posted: June 1, 2018In:

    When a bikie moll overloads a light aircraft, forcing a crash landing that traps her, she must confess and coerce the reluctant pilot to hide the contents of her luggage before rescuers arrive.

    dpg Singularity

    Taken at face value, the logline offers a film where at the 1/2 hr mark or so, the plane crashes.? And after that the entire 2nd Act -- 50-60 minutes of screen time -- is taken up with yada-yada -- her pleading with the pilot to conceal the contents of her luggage before rescuers arrive.? (And we haRead more

    Taken at face value, the logline offers a film where at the 1/2 hr mark or so, the plane crashes.? And after that the entire 2nd Act — 50-60 minutes of screen time — is taken up with yada-yada — her pleading with the pilot to conceal the contents of her luggage before rescuers arrive.? (And we have no idea what’s in the luggage–so we have no idea how what the stakes are, why we should worry or care.)

    Surely, there is more to the plot than that.

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  2. Posted: June 1, 2018In:

    A mild-mannered but disgruntled teller leads a hostage revolt against his captors during a bank siege in order to get away with the stolen loot for himself.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I like the premise. How about: A mild-mannered, disgruntled teller uses a hostage situation during a bank robbery to steal the loot for himself. (18 words instead of 27) Is the protagonist male or female?

    I like the premise.

    How about:
    A mild-mannered, disgruntled teller uses a hostage situation during a bank robbery to steal the loot for himself.
    (18 words instead of 27)

    Is the protagonist male or female?

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  3. Posted: May 29, 2018In:

    Haunted by his past, a careworn man fights against starvation and a hostile environment to find a new home for a little girl and himself in a post apocalyptic world, which not only questions his purpose in life, but if hope alone can keep you and the ?Mensch? inside you alive.

    dpg Singularity

    Better. But... "Careworn" seems extraneous.? He's a survivor in? a post apocalyptic world -- it goes without saying he's "careworn".? (Who in that world isn't?) And what's the story hook?? What differentiates this from other films about post apocalyptic odysseys?? What unique twist do you have, whatRead more

    Better.

    But…

    “Careworn” seems extraneous.? He’s a survivor in? a post apocalyptic world — it goes without saying he’s “careworn”.? (Who in that world isn’t?)

    And what’s the story hook?? What differentiates this from other films about post apocalyptic odysseys?? What unique twist do you have, what new thematic territory does your story cover that hasn’t already been covered in films like “Cargo” and “The Road”?

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